Advice Needed

[instudiocity]

Hey Wayout,

 

First of all, let me congratulate you for having the balls to give relationships a try. (Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but it sounds as if you want to explore being in a relationship.)

Juan, can I hire you to write me love notes? I mean, dang boy, you've hit the nail on the head and driven it right through the board in one swing.

[robberbaron4u]

Sadly, "real life" is rarely as well scripted as a romance novel. . .

[leigh.bess.toad]

Juan -- I think the only thing appropriate to your response:

 

http://www.realbollywood.com/up_images/standing-ovation12234.jpg

 

Your own standing ovation!!! lol

 

There is no one way to do a relationship -- everyone is different. I know what works for me and my guy. As I said, I told him early -- ready to accept any consequences. If he couldn't accept me, better find out sooner rather than later. Fortunately, he had no problems with it. We frequently talk about accepting each other as we are, and even on the first date or two talked about not wanting to change the other person to meet our "ideal" (whatever that is). Our past life is what made us who we are, and that is the person that you love. Without my past experiences, I would be a different person and maybe one he didn't care so much about. I kid him sometimes when he talks about how good our sex life is. I tell him I learned from some of the best. I am not ashamed of my hiring. Hell, they did get me to this point. Without those experiences, I wouldn't have learned and grown as a person so that I can now have this relationship. You are right Juan: you have to accept and love yourself first and foremost.

 

For me, a monogamous relationship is what I want, which is why I have decided to stop hiring (which is why my signature is some of the lyrics to "My Way"). This is not something my guy has asked of me -- it is something I want to do. For him and me both. I would not ask him to be monogamous (even though I know he is). But I ask it of myself. However, what I've found in my relationship at least is that even though we are committed to not trying to change each other, we are both changing ourselves to make our partner happy. I see the changes in him as he becomes more confident and secure in our love. I see the changes in me. These changes are driven by our own desire to make each other happy.

 

But my situation isn't yours and so what works and is wanted by me may not be (and in fact probably isn't) what's right for you. Wayout and his partner need to decide jointly what type of relationship they will have. But you are right Juan -- honesty is needed. A relationship built on a foundation of love and honesty and acceptance can withstand almost anything. A relationship missing even one of those ingredients will founder at some point.

[+ nycman]

Hey Wayout,

 

First of all,......and I tell you, that person is beautiful.

 

Whew!

 

Yeah....what he said.

[Diverdan]

As others have put so much better than I can ever do... honestly and communication is the key to sustaining any relationship. Juan has said it best, as he usually/always does, and since I know Lee too, I agree with what he has said too, as I know a lot of what he has gone through the past couple of years. There is no right or wrong answer to your question, other than to be totally honest about everything. If your potential partner can't handle that, then it is time to move on to find the right partner, as harsh as that may seem. I have lost several good friends to aids, drug abuse, alchohol and other problems because they were not honest with themselves or their partners. I have wept bitterly because I was not a strong enough a friend to confront them at times when it might have done the most good. So, what ever you do be honest... you will continue to grow and if this is the right person for you, then you will grow together and work through all of those other issues that now seem large, but in the long run will really be small. My best wishes to you as you evolve in this next stage of your life. Lots of us here are routing for you to succeed, no matter what choices you make.

DD

[+ Gar1eth]

I probably have no business answering since I've never had a relationship- and at the rate I'm going most likely never will-- age of 41- before I ever had sex, age of 49- 50 before I ever told anyone from my past I was gay- and that was to two friends who came out years ago, age of 50 before I ever really had a weekend with someone who wasn't paid to be there and wonder of wonders wanted to have sex with me because he was attracted to me and not my bank account, and finally last but definitely not least-age of 51 and still haven't made peace with being gay or come out to my family

 

But even so - it seems to me

 

1. If you really want to try to make a relationship work- Why deliberately shoot yourself in the foot- by telling him something like this he may not like- when your previous sex experience shouldn't really concern him as it was before y'all met.

 

2. But if you want to make it work- I have to say ixnay on further hiring while you are in this relationship- unless of course you somehow find out he is a member of good standing in Daddy's Forum just like you.

 

Gman