Dating Expectations?

[+ Gar1eth]

As someone with no experience with dating-- really either males or females-- and most likely it won't ever happen-- but if it ever does ( yes, I'm a sad case and I know it), I need some information. So when you guys have started dating someone that you are really interested in that you are maybe hoping will lead to a relationship, do you always have sex on the 1st date? According to sit- com and rom- com wisdom often for straight couples it's the 3rd date-- although I wonder how many real life dating pairs wait that long. But as adult gay males-- stereotypically willing to have sex anytime anywhere I am thinking dates almost always lead to a little 'somethin, somethin'. Am I wrong?

 

Gman

[josephga]

I don't think it really matters. I read a study once that regarding how long a person dates b4 sex doesn't have much impact on how long the relationship will last. IMO people truly looking for serious dating or long term don't expect sex on the first date. IMO allot of gay men want to fuck first then worry about knowing each other later then realize they don't like each other or have a nothing in common. I personally wait 3 to 5 dates I figure if someone has a problem with that then serious dating wasn't what they wanted in the first place.

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't think it really matters. I read a study once that regarding how long a person dates b4 sex doesn't have much impact on how long the relationship will last. IMO people truly looking for serious dating or long term don't expect sex on the first date. IMO allot of gay men want to fuck first then worry about knowing each other later then realize they don't like each other or have a nothing in common. I personally wait 3 to 5 dates I figure if someone has a problem with that then serious dating wasn't what they wanted in the first place.

 

Thanks Joseph. I wasn't looking at it as a predictor of the longevity of the relationship. But not having any experience whatsoever in dating-- I wanted to know what to expect-- what was usual in a dating situation.

 

Gman

[gcursor]

The chronology of "dates"

 

Back in my "dating days", I used to drive some of the people I dated nuts when they found out that we wouldn't have sex on the first date. Kissing and hugging was okay but never anything more.

 

I've also included what happened on some of the other dates if we made it to them:

 

3rd date: A toaster

5th date: A set of steak knives

10th date: A box of condoms

20th date: a 75 gallon drum of LUBE

30th date: Meet the parents (not mine or his parents..just any random parents that we know)

40th date: a plaque commemorating that he has survived the relationship this long

75th date: SEX!

 

As someone with no experience with dating-- really either males or females-- and most likely it won't ever happen-- but if it ever does ( yes, I'm a sad case and I know it), I need some information. So when you guys have started dating someone that you are really interested in that you are maybe hoping will lead to a relationship, do you always have sex on the 1st date? According to sit- com and rom- com wisdom often for straight couples it's the 3rd date-- although I wonder how many real life dating pairs wait that long. But as adult gay males-- stereotypically willing to have sex anytime anywhere I am thinking dates almost always lead to a little 'somethin, somethin'. Am I wrong?

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

Back in my "dating days", I used to drive some of the people I dated nuts when they found out that we wouldn't have sex on the first date. Kissing and hugging was okay but never anything more.

 

I've also included what happened on some of the other dates if we made it to them:

 

 

3rd date: A toaster

5th date: A set of steak knives

10th date: A box of condoms

20th date: a 75 gallon drum of LUBE

30th date: Meet the parents (not mine or his parents..just any random parents that we know)

40th date: a plaque commemorating that he has survived the relationship this long

75th date: SEX!

 

GC-- I think it was a bit cruel of you to give your date a barrel of lube on the 20 th date making him have expectations that wouldn't be fulfilled until 55 dates later. Also was the plaque presented on the 40 th assignation suitable for framing?

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

I dont think there are any "givens" here. Its a Very individual thing, dependant on the 2 participants. My rule of thumb is to go with "what you feel". If it feels right, do it.... Go with the flow, and dont go into it with a schedule or expectations. Relax, be yourself, and just let it happen. You'll know if its "wrong"...

[Bosguy]

Back in my "dating days", I used to drive some of the people I dated nuts when they found out that we wouldn't have sex on the first date. Kissing and hugging was okay but never anything more.

 

I've also included what happened on some of the other dates if we made it to them:

 

3rd date: A toaster

5th date: A set of steak knives

10th date: A box of condoms

20th date: a 75 gallon drum of LUBE

30th date: Meet the parents (not mine or his parents..just any random parents that we know)

40th date: a plaque commemorating that he has survived the relationship this long

75th date: SEX!

 

What a hilarious response!!! Made my day. My ex would probably have presented the plaque to the guy after the 2nd date.

[gcursor]

and..

 

First to Bosguy:

thanks for your comment..you are most kind.

 

Now to Gman:

Yes, I don't like to think of it as "making him wait"...I prefer to call it "anticipation". The plaque on the 40th IS suitable for framing and you DO get a frame ...I forget which date number you get the frame.

Gcursor

 

 

GC-- I think it was a bit cruel of you to give your date a barrel of lube on the 20 th date making him have expectations that wouldn't be fulfilled until 55 dates later. Also was the plaque presented on the 40 th assignation suitable for framing?

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

I dont think there are any "givens" here. Its a Very individual thing, dependant on the 2 participants. My rule of thumb is to go with "what you feel". If it feels right, do it.... Go with the flow, and dont go into it with a schedule or expectations. Relax, be yourself, and just let it happen. You'll know if its "wrong"...

 

I doubt it will ever happen. But just in case a miracle ever did occur, and I had a date, I wanted to know what was usual.

 

G

[josephga]

I don't think there really is a norm or usual. IMO if its a relationship you seek from it I feel waiting is better. I tend to like the whole build up the anticipation. I have very good will power. I can & actually have slept in the bed with guys and be able to not go pass the basic kissing and making out. I dated this one guy once we had a nice dinner watched movies late into the night, kissed made out in bed slept together got up the next morning showered together and never went past kissing until date 5. It does take will power

[Steven_Draker]

So when you guys have started dating someone that you are really interested in that you are maybe hoping will lead to a relationship, do you always have sex on the 1st date?

 

Someone used to say that in the 'gay world' you fuck first and talk later .... (no comment!)

[leigh.bess.toad]

I dont think there are any "givens" here. Its a Very individual thing, dependant on the 2 participants. My rule of thumb is to go with "what you feel". If it feels right, do it.... Go with the flow, and dont go into it with a schedule or expectations. Relax, be yourself, and just let it happen. You'll know if its "wrong"...

 

I'm definitely going to have to agree with jj on this. GMan, I think you know my entire dating history. All two months of it. As of today (yeah). On that first date with my bf, I went into it without any expectatins either way. I really just wanted to spend the evening getting to know him. But after a nice dinner and a good time at one of our local gay bars (where we each had one drink), we went back to his place and started gently making out. Well one thing led to another and so yes, we had sex on our first date. But I don't think either of us had that expectation. It just seemd like a natural extension to a wonerful evening. It certainly wouldn't have been a dealbreaker. And we've had other dates since where we didn't. So as for me, I think jj is right -- go with the flow and do what seems natural and comfortable. To both of you.

[Lohengrin1979]

GC-- I think it was a bit cruel of you to give your date a barrel of lube on the 20 th date making him have expectations that wouldn't be fulfilled until 55 dates later. Also was the plaque presented on the 40 th assignation suitable for framing?

 

Gman

 

Maybe I'm wrong but I thought of the barrel of lube as a considerate gift. After all, one would have to find a way to deal with all that "anticipation" building up until the 75th encounter.

 

Regards

Lohengrin1979

[Phil_musc]

My question for gcursor is was there ever a 76th date, or did you find that the reality of #75 just didn't match your anticipation?

I'm reminded of Oscar Wilde's quip about Niagara Falls being the second great disappointment for many newlyweds.

[gcursor]

Kiss and tell

 

Sorry philmusic, I don't like to "kiss and tell".

Gcursor

 

My question for gcursor is was there ever a 76th date, or did you find that the reality of #75 just didn't match your anticipation?

I'm reminded of Oscar Wilde's quip about Niagara Falls being the second great disappointment for many newlyweds.