BDSM Communication....I've been asked for a"Report Card"

[doitb4ugo]

I recently had my first BDSM session with a local guy who was interested in providing me with more kinky activities than we had Heretofor enjoyed. For our first session, I had provided him with a menu of items which I might like to try; not as a checklist but as an indication of interest...both he and I wanted our time together to be less scripted and more natural...

 

We had a fairly long session, a little over 3 hours, to play and try some different things. When talking at the end of the session, he asked me what I enjoyed and what did not work well for me...I was a little to close to the event to really answer him...He suggested that I take some time and e-mail him my thoughts so that he could introduce new things and remove anything I did not enjoy from future sessions together.

 

In typical "Doit" fashion, I am responding to him with a report card on our activities,,,not rating him but commenting on the activity itself (this kind of forces me to rate him somewhat but not sole performance based). Unfortunately, I find this all to enjoyable. I get to over analyze our time and also get to provide feedback which carries forward into future activities...So I get to think, and anticipate....my 2 favorite activities.

 

Am wondering if this seems a normal approach to refining a BDSM relationship...How else does an escort get better at providing what one is looking for...

 

Am also guessing that this need to traverse the various activities to find the right mix is unique to BDSM and calls for a special kind of guy to want to provide such service...

 

Thoughts and comments are always welcome here. Being a learner by nature, I am feeling out this topic in hopes of making this local guy a regular with some BDSM thrown in....It would be nice to develop a relationship to allow me to explore safely.

[+ Archer]

This guy sounds terrific! Ready and willing to learn what worked for you and didn't work. Who is he and how do I contact him?

[whipped guy]

he asked me what I enjoyed and what did not work well for me...I was a little to close to the event to really answer him...He suggested that I take some time and e-mail him my thoughts so that he could introduce new things and remove anything I did not enjoy from future sessions together.

 

Am wondering if this seems a normal approach to refining a BDSM relationship...How else does an escort get better at providing what one is looking for...

 

Am also guessing that this need to traverse the various activities to find the right mix is unique to BDSM and calls for a special kind of guy to want to provide such service...

 

It would be nice to develop a relationship to allow me to explore safely.

In BDSM the bottom line (no pun intended) has the bottom guy calling the shots. So in that regard, your guy is right on target. Of course there are subs who enjoy doing everything so the sky is the limit, but even among those types of individuals there are some activities that they will prefer over others... and some that they might enjoy when done more forcefully or less forcefully etc. Therefore it is important to build a working relationship.

 

Some BDSM doms have a knack for reading an individual better than others... some know what you crave even before you know it yourself... Others like to play it cool... It seems like this guy falls into the latter category... and that's fine as long as he is acting in your (the sub's) best interests not only as far as preferences are concerned, but also regarding issues related to safety.

 

Of course it is good to explore new activities and interests... and that is how the sub grows into the whole scene... and with time and more experience even the dom will soon be able to read body language and fine tune various aspects as you traverse this fascinating and at times complex method of seeking mutual fulfillment and gratification.

[Businessguy]

Analysis is good

 

Doit - I agree with Whipped that your Dom escort is on target. Assuming that you want to see him again, giving him your honest reactions to the experience will only make the next session better. Fetishes seem to run in themes with common under currents such as submission, humiliation, pain, force, begging, ect. Once he has identified one or more under currents that turns you on and you begin to trust his skills, he'll be able to add in new activities in that same genere that he can be relatively confident that you'll enjoy. Since they will be things you haven't scripted out or listed, the excitement and adventure will be heightened during and even leading up to the event.

I hate giving a Dom a check list of things to do. I'm much more turned on when I have to go with the flow he sets and I'm not totally sure what he has planned. The difference here is he is still doing what turns YOU on and he is getting his satisfaction from seeing how excited he can get you to be.

However, be careful of the guy who wants to only do his thing and gets more turned on the more you resist. That's a recepie for assault.

Just be honest with this Dom and be sure to give him plenty of feedback during the session with your moans, groans, verbal queuesand body language. It should get better and better.