Sister is getting married

[seaboy4hire]

I felt you were de-valuing the commitment because of the prior marriage and/or the fact that they were "living in sin." It's something I would expect from a party-line Catholic or a fundamental Evangelical. My brother and his wife lived together for several years before getting married. If anything, when people live together before marriage, it makes me feel that the marriage will last longer because they know each other well. They're high school sweethearts, and have been happily married for 33 years. My sister rushed into a marriage (her first), and it lasted only a few months. If she ever finds a new beau, I hope she will live for him for a few years to make sure they're compatible. If so, I would probably feel the 2nd marriage was more serious than the first.

By the way, I would be highly surprised if your sister's fiance hadn't told your sister all about your grade school antics long ago!

 

No I wasn't trying to devalue her relationship. I kind of feel the same as you about couples living together before getting hitched. I don't know how my grandparents and great grandparents made it for so long without living together first.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Zapped]

Family cultures vary, as does the significance of the event depending on individual circumstances. My understanding is the a bride getting maried for the second (or later) time was not to expect presents. On the other hand, I had a cousin who had four or five weddings and seemed to expect bounty at each.

 

In any event, I thought this advice (from The Wedding Channel) was spot on:

 

Q: Is it appropriate to purchase a gift for someone getting remarried? What if the couple hasn’t mentioned a registry?

 

A. Traditionally speaking, you're not obliged to give a present for second marriages, though it’s obviously a wonderful gesture. Of course, it isn't at all rude to ask the couple if they’ve registered anywhere, especially since many second wedding couples won’t be too keen on promoting their registry. They’ll be touched that you were curious enough to inquire and will likely be glad to point you in the right direction. Even if you decide not to give a present, it’s a good idea to write a letter or a card saying how honored you were to attend the wedding and how happy you are for the couple.

 

If my sister ever remarries, I'll get a gift, probably not as expensive as the full Calphalon set I bought for her first marriage (wonder who got it in the divorce?). But it will be because I want to. If my cousin gets married yet again, well, I skipped the last two or three anyway.

 

Z

[KMEM]

I have observed many different reactions to this situation from we both already had everything we need in the way of kitchen appliances and home making doo dads so give us money (crass) to we don't need anything but the grace of your presence at our new union (vows). This can be an obvious chance for the couple to show how they view the world, their friends and relatives which can be nuturing fellow citizens to cash cows. Take your cue from the ones given by the wedding participants, meaning the bride and groom to be.

 

Best regards,

KMEM