Child Adoption

[Guest kathryn]

Just thought I would add to this topic, as I have adopted two boys within the last four years. What I can say is that children need good, caring parents and GO FOR IT! My boys were both adopted through my being a foster parent first. If I can guide you in anyway, please let me know.

[Guest Java]

In part of my own personal review, I have been considering adopting a child to fulfill a desire of mine to be a father and to help provide a family to someone who needs one. I'm wondering whether any of you have gone through any part of the process and what you have encountered. I don't delude myself that it would be easy for me being a father, let alone a single, gay one, nor the effect this may have on the child. However, I think about it often and would appreciate honest feedback on the subject. I'm more inclined to adopt an older, less adoptable one, than try looking for foreign infants.

 

(Adopting a cute twink may be an option, but not quite on the menu for now. )

[OneFinger]

I checked into it a few years ago but my state (Utah) doesn't allow gays to adopt. I thought about not disclosing my sexual preference but knew my closet door was too wide open to think they'd never find out.

 

I have heard that adopting a "special needs" child is usually easier. (My definition of "special needs" would include an older, less-likely-to-be-chosen child.) Another good option would be to become a foster parent first and then apply for adoption. I hear the courts are more favorable if you have a history with the child in a foster parent role.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.:-)

[Guest Java]

Thanks for the input and encouragement OneFinger and kathryn. I've thought about being a foster parent, too, but I know I would have big attachment issues.

[Guest cmp]

Kathryn,

 

This is one of the beauties of this board. You thought you came here to ask for help. I don't now if you are aware of it, but you are already helping others. Welcome to the club, please move in with us (as a true bi person, one of the few things this place is lacking as far as I am concerned, is the presence of some really nice young ladies).

[Guest kathryn]

Yes, attachment can become an issue. Though here in Nevada, you can make it clear when you go through the process of becoming a foster parent that your goal is to "adopt". Other times, as is with me, the little boys each at different times, came to my home and I was too attached to not take the plunge when they came up for adoption. The ultimate objective in foster parenting is to see the biological families be reunited. Keep that in mind. I have three biological kids as well as my two adopted boys, and I have to just say that kids are very easy to fall in love with, as they are very honest little people.

[Guest kathryn]

I have found that everybody I have had the priveldge of corresponding with in here are by far some of the nicest people. As for becoming bi...hmmmm i dont know about that. I dont really feel that I am bias or in anyway judgemental to people's preferrance to partners, just have not really wondered about other females personally. Though, I will take the luke-warm avenue here and say "never say never". I have found that lesbian women actually hate men and that in a lot of cases, gay men are a woman's best friend.

[Guest dstud4hire]

go for it

 

Def. go the adoption route...never buy into the belief that as gay men, we can't be good parents, or that as single people, we can't make good parents....that is often our own community responding with their own internalized homophobia. recently, i started going to the gay church MCC, and was shocked by all the gay parents, giving me yet more hope, since I wish one day to b one. (Obviously, giving this up tho....pretty confident this would not be a good mix....fortunately, have a full time career as well)

 

But with so many kids in need, I think it is incredible that you are thinking of doing it....you will be a role model to that kid, to other gay men, and most certainly, to anyone who comes across you in their path in life.

 

Congrats waaaaaay in advance. That is soooo cool! Gabe in St. Louis

[Guest cmp]

Kathryn,

 

Sorry for not being clear enough. I am talking about myself: I am the bi person. Of course, that's not the only reason for my saying that your presence here is most enjoyable.

[Guest omnicoax]

sorry but Kathryn is mine :-)

yeap you are not alone :-)

 

---

 

Java lets see...

Keep in mind that will take you too much of your free time especialy when they are young. After that they want more money than free time (that reminds me that time is money). You can always try a pet (dog/cat) for start.

 

That realy scares me is that i must have to answer the million dollars question: "boys at school wanted to know why i have 2 daddys". If you can pass that stage all will be fine.

[Guest kathryn]

he he he what can I say but it has been a long week! When i reread your post, it was me who was out there on that reply. so~ooops to me! But on a brighter note, thanks for the welcoming note.

[Guest kathryn]

Your post had me giggling! Small kids are very time consuming that is for sure, but well worth the loss in sleep and personal time. (My boys are 3 and 4) And, teens do want money!(also have a 14 year old daughter)Get a dog or cat and see how that goes is hysterical! I started with a plant.LOL

[Guest cp8036]

When I was younger, I always imagined I would have a wife, kids, house, dog, and two cars. I wanted to be like the rest of middle America. As I have aged, I am comfortable with my station in life.

 

As a single gay man, I have to be honest and say I would not be a responsible parent. I travel quite a bit, am not very good with cash, and value my privacy too much.

 

I cannot even keep houseplants alive in my house, so kids...pets... not a good idea.

 

Now, if my brothers get their act in order, I will be a great uncle. I get to spoil them all weekend and see the nice parts of having kids, yet hand them back to Mom and Dad when they start to get a bit cranky at the end of the weekend.

[Guest IM_Moore]

>Your post had me giggling! Small kids are very time

>consuming that is for sure, but well worth the loss in sleep

>and personal time. (My boys are 3 and 4) And, teens do want

>money!(also have a 14 year old daughter)

 

Hi Kathryn, Just wondering are you taking continued education as when you first posted I had the fleeing you were of college age.

[Guest kathryn]

I am indeed in college. I had a late start and am finishing my degree. People such as myself are referred to as "transitional" students, as I am a parent and eeeeek older than the average college student.(not toooooo old though) I am 32.shhhhhhhh!

[Guest IM_Moore]

>I am indeed in college. I had a late start and am finishing

>my degree.

Thanks for the clarification ... I would be happy to help you with your research (if you want). Please contact me via the message board's mail box. IM

[Guest]

Well, being a single parent is certainly very challenging. I don't think I'd be up to it, although if I had a lover, I think I could manage... Same with a pet. It's tough when you live alone (especially if you own a dog).