Would you choose to be Gay?

[mmk]

After reading the "born Gay" post, I have a question? If you could relive your life but as a straight person, would you do it?

I myself would say NO! I am very happy with myself as a gay man and I could not see living as a straight one. I just feel that my life would be so different and that I would have missed out on so much if I was living the life of a true heterosexual. I know many heterosexuals who are very happy with their lives (my younger brother for one) but I can not envision myself in that type of life. (Plus, I cannot see myself going don there on a woman so that kind of further reinforces my decision.)

[guyinsf]

I'm sorry if my response is rude, but the question itself is rude IMHO. I think a more appropriate question would be "If you could chose to eradicate homophobia, would you do so?" Asking a gay person if he would rather have been born straight is like asking a black person if he would rather have been born white or a woman if she would rather have been born male. Who doesn't want equality? And, actually, we're talking more than equality here; we're talking privilege.

 

Okay. Off my soapbox. (Maybe my rant is related to my just having watched "The Celluloid Closet".)

[Guest]

I don't think the question is rude. It's a legitimate question. Certainly, I think most gay men have a more satisfying sexual life than most straight men. We also have more social opportunities in many parts of the world. I recently went on a "straight" cruise, and I think I met more people than most of the straight people on the cruise (and I enjoyed myself more). I also have little trouble meeting people when I travel thanks to my sexual preference.

If it were not for homophobia, I think there would be little question that it's better to be gay or lesbian. It's easy for a gay man to connect to another gay man. He knows exactly what it feels like, both personally and sexually. The same applies to lesbians, who have a good sense of where eachother is coming from. Heterosexual couples always have to adapt to eachother. Yes, all couples, gay or straight have to compromise. But a man never understands what it feels like to be a woman and vice-a-versa.

The only reason it would be worse to be gay than straight is if society imposes barriers to the gay person. Difficulties gay guys have with adoption, custody battles, discrimination, and so on, have nothing to do with being gay per se. It's just the homophobia. So as society changes, the question becomes more and more legitimate.

[Bilbo]

I agree with Unicorn.

 

I also think that I did choose to be gay. Not in the way most people mean it, however. (And like many of my theological beliefs, it does fluctuate some. It's a little difficult for me to envision an unchanging box that could ever contain an omnipotent God.) Although our sexual persuasion was one of the thngs chosen before we were conceived, let alone born, I think that our spirits, our souls had a voice in choosing it. Would I do it again? I consciously hope so. All in all, it's been a good experience.

[Guest jeffOH]

As Bilbo said,I do believe my soul chose this life path to experience certain things. Life as a gay man and as a prostitute.

The only conscious "choice" I have made is not to live a lie.

I believe the greatest appreciation we can demonstrate to God is

to live in the TRUTH...to be ourselves, not what others expect us

to be. In the short term the TRUTH may be painful, but in the long run it is always the best route. You may alienate some people from your life with the TRUTH, but you are left with people who love you as you are not as they wish you to be. So many people are living a life of illusion. They're afraid that if this or that person finds out a certain "secret" that they will be judged and lose that person's friendship. Well, that's

conditional love...not real love. So what you thought was a real friendship was based upon lies or omissions of the truth.

 

Some people say they don't tell some people certain things because they don't think that they will be able to handle it. But, I believe that most of the time it's the fear of being rejected and not wanting to deal with it that keeps one from telling the TRUTH. Granted, it took YEARS for me to get to this

point and it hasn't always been easy. I'm alienated from my family and some of my friends, but I realize that their love was

CONDITIONAL and I've found UNCONDITIONAL love in my close friendships/chosen family. It's much easier to live not worrying whether or not this or that person is going to find out something about me. I think there is a degree of shame attached when someone says that it's really none of their business, even

when it's a close friend. It's still that fear of being judged and rejected and for me that was and is not the sort of life I

want to live. Trust me...The TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!

 

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[Guest allansmith63]

Well said, Jeff! The truth has certainly set me free.

 

Having lived 40 or so years posturing as a straight man, I am so incredibly free now that I'm living how I should be. Would I want to be truly straight? No, no, no. If I could choose to do it over, I would have come out in my mid-teens - and lived as the person I am. Now that I'm out as a gay man (told all my family last week!!), I live free - never been happier or more content. No desire whatsoever to be straight.

 

I'll second the comments too, about how two men know and understand each other emotionally, physically and sexually. I'm closer to my partner of five months now than I ever got to my ex-wife in 19 1/2 years of marriage. We know each other intimately and our bond simply keeps growing stronger and stronger.

 

For all the complications it's brought as I've come to terms with who I am, I wish I did not have a "straight" period in my life.

 

Allan

[Will]

In the first place, the only way I can imagine being straight is to imagine being someone other than who I am. Once I start down that road, I'm already peeling my soul away from my body. For me, the question can be translated, "Would you choose to be yourself?"

 

It wouldn't be possible for me to agree more firmly with Jeff.

 

But I also agree that I would love to live in a world that afforded me the same rights that it affords to straight people. Whether I'd take advantage of them or not, I can't say. But I can say that I'd like to have the option.

[Guest bluboy]

No I would not choose to be gay. Who needs the hassle on top of all the other hassles of life? Plus I love children- and do not feel that my child (if I had one) should have to explain and be teased why Heather has 2 daddies- and I have never seen a man properly replicate motherly love. blu

[Guest biga]

Would i choose to be gay-TOO BLOODY RIGHT I WOULD i cant think of anything more frightening than being straight and having a wife and kids,i used to have a recurring nightmare about being married which ended with me being chained up by my "wife"whilst she had sex with me,dont know what that says about me apart from the drugs were too strong at the time ,more seriously tho'i believe that as someone who has had no sexual attraction to any woman and was probably very lucky that i found my sexuality early and didnt have any nightmares in coming out until i was completely sure and then they were other peoples feelings that were foisted upon me when i didnt need them,to be honest bisexuality confuses the hell out of me but each to their own.Andy