A recent post caught my attention.......

[Guest Stefano]

A recent post caught my attention. The post was questioning an escorts present situation as to whereabouts and non-responsiveness. Now this particular post only made me think of my past year with escorting and the struggles I've had to overcome.

 

Now before any details follow let me state that my post is not to say that this escort in particular is going through similar circumstances since I don't know, but it only made me think about situation.

 

Now that that's clear, I hope...I began escorting almost a year ago and since then my life has spiralled in and out and thankfully now back into control. A big contributor to it's (my Lifes') destruction in the last year has been greatly due to a bad drug addiction. Now I know I am putting myself and my reputation on the line here but I do NOT plan on continuing with this profession much longer and more so for the fact that if my story touches one individual (escort/client) then it has been far more fulfilling than anyone could imagine.

 

It all started at "The Beginning" for my career. It had been about 2 months after I had my first "client" and I was at the stage where lots of my time and energy was put into chatting in rooms and resulting in lots of frustration with those that love to string you along. My rent was nearly due, I had begun my second year of college, my refrigerator was empty and my bank account was overdrawn.

 

I then received an e-mail from a prospective client leaving his home # and advising me to phone if I wished to set up an appointment for that night. I immediately called hoping that I hadn't received the email to late and that something could still be arranged. I called and the voice at the other end sounded quite sexxy. He asked if I partied. For the money at that time I basically would have done anything. Sad I know but I think lots of escorts experience this one time or another. I, at the time had not been exposed to the drug world really besides pot and ectasy which I had grown past in the span of about 5 months.

 

Now the guy said that he had friends over and he wanted to know if that was ok. An urgent,"yeah!Sure! whatever" leaped from my mouth over to his end of the phone. "Bu", he said. Yes the dreaded but that I find myself playing over in my head at this moment with great disgust. "But I can't afford your rate. I have "Favors" and I can give you 80 dollars and send home with some." This yes of mine was a bit more reluctant but not delayed. To skip all of the details and be blunt, I ended up at this same guys house at least once a week for the next 3 months and concealing this entire life from my lover.

 

I made up excuses that I was going to a dance class or had to study and then when I'd return unable to sleep I would either stay up doing homework or pop some tylenol pm extra strength in order to avoid the awckward feeling of my shame with the one I loved most. As time passed and my addiction grew many occasions also passed when I would get sick and get fevers and so on.. Well at the point where I realized that they were drug withdrawals was also the point where I stopped stopping at all. I pushed family friends and lover away at all costs in order to hide my problems.

 

My behavior became very irratic and unpredictable. My weight decreased, my complexion grew ill looking and yet, here comes my point, noone seemed to notice. I began to cry for help inside making comments to peopl like, " Don't I look too skinny, Haven't I lost alot of weight, I wonder why I keep getting sick?" Yet noone heard these cries. I continued seeing clients leaving them satisfied but yet not to my standards. But I couldn't handle the fact that I was being looked at or observed so I began ignoring some emails of people that I thought knew or had acted strangely when in fact I was the one acting strangely.

 

I went through a period of complete hermatism if that is even a word. Meaning, I woke up or actually pretended to wake up to keep the act going. Got ready for school, arrived just in time to make it when everyone had already gone in and the after class I left immediately before anyone could see me to speak. The rest of my day usually consisted of starring at four walls with my blinds closed only opening them every so often to peek and see whose footsteps I heard. At this point no relationships meant a dime to me nor did my health. All that consumed my mind was what that one guy months back called "Tina". Crystal Meth.

 

My secret couldn't hide itself much longer and word had gotten back to my BF that I had been to this infamous house and for free. I finally admitted I had a problem and did so to everyone. At school, back home in NM to family and to my lover. Now it was even easier for me to do it because I had a problem and since I had admitted it I didn't have to hide it.

 

The easy streak didn't last but a week and nor did all the money I had been spending on a daily basis to feed my habit. It wasn't long before my bf left me and I found myself homeless, staying with a big enabler, not the first guy but another friend in the scene. I finished school by the skim of my teeth but began to go crazy.

 

At this point I feel I can reveal no more details because they are still painful and fresh. But too say the least I was fucked with(Mentally) by assholes that knew of my addiction and made to think I was even crazier than I was.

 

What was the outcome? Well I found myself at rock bottom with nowhere left to fall and finally stopped to think rationally about life and beauty and my life and the lack of health and beauty in it. I prayed and struggled with this new found insight and the thoughts of doing it for me and not for them and God heard my prayers. I was given the opportunity to come out to london and have not touched the stuff for exactly on tomorrows date, one month. I can say from experience that I never truely remembered how beautiful life is until I arrived back at this point.

 

I know that lots of other escorts out there do use drugs and are actually having the same struggles I went through. But there is hope and help if you need it. I will be willing to correspond and maybe even meet those who want to if I can help and your willing to be helped. I still need lots of support myself and feel that giving support is also a great way to keep sober and motivated.

 

I know as cynical as some can be, the are people saying whats the point of this. Well there are lots of points and you can pick and choose as you please. Or not. But to escorts I wish luck and unlike some that I've met, I am here to support my fellow brothers in this professions rather than step on your toes. And to clients that truely care. If you see a problem with an escort don't be afraid to ask. It's the only way. It may not seem that way but it is the only way to help. I guess that's all for now. Till the pack tears me or tries to tear me limb from limb for this post.

 

Mike ;-)~ <--M.M.O.T.

MrMikeStefano@aol.com

[Candyman]

Mike I am sure that we all wish you the best. It took a lot of guts to tell us your problem and admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Stay strong!

[Guest DavidofNYC]

That's a very courageous post. I wish you all the best.

[adriano46]

Mike,

 

You have shown a lot of guts and courage writing this.

 

I hope you can win this battle. You sound like you can.

[Guest biga]

Mike ,it takes a lot of guts to admit there is problem,no matter what it may be,and believe me you have done the biggest step on the road to recovery by admitting there IS a problem,the good thing is that at least it is out in the open and you can now get on the road to recovery,you said in your post that you had been clean (for want of a better phrase)for a month CONGRATULATIONS,and as hopefully you rebuild your life one month will grow to 2,3,4,and that you will be totally free of this destructive force which consumed your life and cost you your lover and no doubt other things,no matter what the problem may be drink,drugs,depression they need careful handling otherwise any small setback could set you back on a downward spiral,

It is unfortunate that if someone disappears off the radar for a while people automatically think that they are flaky or messing around and do not look deeper to see if there might be a larger problem,it is even more unfortunate that in a profession such as escorting where most contact is fleeting and it takes time to build up "regular"clients who you might have a closer relationship with by the time that has happened the problem could be out of control.

I am sure you will find support amongst people on this board ,the vast majority have their heart in the right place and would hate to see something like that happen to someone so young and who has so much to look forward to.BIG HUGS Andy.

[Guest Stefano]

To the three of you I thank you for your kind words and know that I WILL stay strong. It feels too good to be back to me and it's really not worth the momentary feeling of drugs in comparison to the everlasting beauty of life. I am still anxious to hear from any escorts whether they are, have been or know of anyone in the situation.

 

BTW My aol account is down till I return to the states so u can reach me at my other address MrMikeStefano@yahoo.com

 

Mike ;-)~ <--Mike'sMarkOfTrade..

[Guest DCescortBOY]

i just hope that while you were tweaked out, you remained safe.

if not, don't be afraid to have an HIV test. there ARE treatment regimes. tackling the problem early is the best option. i'm not accusing you of anything. i just know that if you're mind is altered, it is easier to make other bad choices.

in any event, i'm glad you've retaken control of your life.

good luck.

[Guest DCescortBOY]

lol. *I* don't often say this, but...

ignore the GLARING typo in that posting of mine

[Guest jeffOH]

Dear Mike,

 

I know what you're going through. I drank alcoholicly from my first drink at 16 until I quit at 25.Those 9 years were hell and that's what it took to get me to quit. I wouldn't have been able to quit without the help of AA. I am so grateful for the comfort and support I found at those meetings.

 

After a couple of years, I realized there was something going on

with my mental health. I sought psychiatric help and was diagnosed manic-depressive. Although I did have some self-esteem

issues that contributed to my desire to drink, I can look back and see how I was also self-medicating the manic-depression with alcohol.

 

I had my last drink on April 28th, 1988. I feel so fortunate to have quit drinking at a relatively early age. I went through a bad period from '95-'00 when I thought I knew best, stopped

taking my medications and began to self-medicate again with ever-

increasing amounts of pot. It helped for a while, but soon began

to lose its effectiveness. I had a major breakdown in South Beach this past winter and came home a few days early. I knew I had to get back to the psychiatrist and back on the meds.

 

Don't let pride get in the way of asking for help. My belief and experience has been that alcoholism and drug abuse aren't diseases, but symptoms of something else. Whether it's some form

of mental illness that you are self-medicating or issues with which you are not dealing...it's important to reach out to others

and seek counseling or in the case of a mental illness, the appropriate medications to correct the chemical imbalance in your brain.

 

Spirituality has been an important part of my recovery and I pray you find the strength to get through these difficult times.

Please feel free to contact me if you feel the need to talk...

about whatever.

 

Take Care,

JEFF

 

Jeff4hire@aol.com

[BewareofNick]

Mike, you almost made me cry. I am so happy to here that you are back on your feet. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I agree that if it helps someone else, it was worth taking the time to share it.

 

One thing you mentioned is 'how could they not notice'. I was a victim of child abuse from the age of 8 until the age of 16. I often wondered myself how no one outside or inside my family could notice, but as I discovered later, I became very good at hiding what was going on and I never even realized it. It seemed so obvious to me that it should be noticed.

 

Thank you also for showing that the life of an escort is not all the peaches and cream that some posters on this board think it is. Escorts have the same problems, the same hopes, the same dreams, and are not just bodies to be used for pleasure and thrown away. Perhaps the next time someone is quick to rush to judgement about why an escort has stood them up, maybe they'll give they'll remember your story and give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

Be proud of what you've accomplished in the last month. It takes a lot of character to tell us what you did today.

[marc anthony]

Huge hug for you, Mike!

[marc anthony]

No problem, my beautiful friend Ethan! Your (LOL) entitled to make a mistake like everyone else! Big kiss/hug for you, and Happy New Year's wishes!

[Guest Charon]

Best of Luck. Alchohol ruled my life for too many years. It _does_ get easier with time, and heaven forbid you stumble, hang on and keep going. For me, the first month was the worst, and I drank twice during it, but as I came to realize life was so much better sober it got easier and easier to stay that way.

[Guest Stephan-Lacoste]

Mike you almost made my friend Cry, and you made me cry.

No matter what happened , happening or will happen, I and those loving you will be there to support you through your new journey.

YOu are such a beatiful person , inside and outside and you are so smart, so much for the futur. You will get what you want, I know it, you will come along a winner.

You have made my day Mike and I thank you. I could not hope any better from you, and you did it. See you feel so much better and happier, is what we all want, me at first

Please take care of yourself and have a wonderful day.

I will see you soon

Kiss&hugs

 

pic of the day :

http://www.stephanlacoste.com/mikestefano.htm

 

Stephan Lacoste

1-702-616-3345

http://www.stephanlacoste.com

http://www.eboysvideo.com

[Matt_Vancouver]

It takes a lot of courage to talk about this openly. I congratulate you on realizing the problem and doing something to remedy it.

I've seen this drug eat people alive, it's probably one of the worst ones out there, both from an addictive perspective,(more of a mental addiction, rather than physical) as well as availability and cost.

I've watched, normally level headed, together people, become consumed in it. Recovery is hard, it's easy to fall back into it, because it is so cheap and has such a presence in the gay community. But it is possible.

Realizing the problem is there, is the biggest hurdle.

Good luck

Matt

http://go.to/mattsplace

matt_escort@yahoo.com

[Guest LG320126]

Mike, I can only tell you what I have tried to tell you for the last 12 months that we have known each other. You are a beautiful person and deserve a whole lot more than what you have put yourself through. Hopefully you are finally believing that. Please believe me when I tell you that the few who have been with you throughout all your bad times are still here for you and always will be. Always remember out talk on the couch in WeHo and the Reba song - it is still true.

 

Still awaiting those Broadway tickets for your opening night.

 

Luv ya,

Larry

[BuckyXTC]

Mike, you alluded to a post that caught your attention in the message center that motivated you to write this.....thank you for doing so. I've heard the same situation is present with that other escort. I admire your courage and willingness to lay out what you've been going through, you're willingness to be vulnerable in a place where sometimes the sharks can descend upon you at the first sign of weakness. You're post is a stellar example of moral character, that you're taking charge of your life again and dealing with it. My prayers and good wishes will be with you. I knew nothing of you before this post, but in my eyes, your stock just went up exponentially.Hang in there, and if you need moral support and encouragement, you can count on my and a lot of other folks here. Hang in there, and may God bless you always.

 

BuckyXTC

[Guest cp8036]

Mike,

 

Very good to hear you took control of things, my hat is off to you. It is an extremely hard habit to break. Meth has been proven to be more addictive than heroine. It is something I struggle with now, and your story is of great motivation.

 

Good luck.

[Guest cmp]

Mike,

 

I admire you even more for being so brave. Be strong, you can do it!

[Will]

I only want to add my best wishes to the others. Thank you.

[Losgatan]

Mike,

 

I’ve never met you but have always sensed that you’re a very special guy. Please hang in there and believe in yourself.

 

You’re going to make it!

[mmk]

Mike, I do wish you all the best in overcoming your addictions. Having come from an alcoholic Irish Catholic family I can relate to everything that you have said. I fortunately have not become stricken with an addiction to drugs or alcohol but having lived with and seen first hand the damage an out of control addiction can do to yourself and others. You are very courageous to admit to this and just by admitting to this shows that you are a strong enough person to overcome your problems.

I also want to commend the people who responded to this post as well. It was wonderful to see people respond to a persons statement/query with snide comments and degrading, insulting remarks. There have been too many personnal attacks on other peole here lately and with everything going on today, is it really neccessary?

[Guest DCescortBOY]

mmk, maybe i misread your post, so i'm going to ask for a bit of clarification.

who responded to mike with insults & snide remarks. ordinarily, i can be counted on for that, but i don't think i did this time. all i've read here has been positive toward mike. did i just read you wrong?

 

<<It was wonderful to see people respond to a persons statement/query with snide comments and degrading, insulting remarks. >>

[Guest LG320126]

<<It was wonderful to see people respond to a persons statement/query with snide comments and degrading, insulting remarks. >>

 

 

We can only hope that he meant "without" snide comments...............................etc.

[mmk]

Sorry for the error-as LG320126 put it, I did mean to say "without" and not with. That was a typo on my part and I truly hope no one took offense to my lack of proofreading my response before submitting it. Once again, my apologies.