How do you remove cum stains from upholstery?

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

I'm serious with this post.

 

A trick just left and he was one of those guys who sprays all over the place like a wild hose and he got several splats of spunk on my expensive couch - HOW DO I GET THE STAINS OUT?!?!?!?

[Guest 7Zach]

depends on the fabric; if wool, cotton, blot and use water, or blot, put soda water, then pour salt and let pull it out; is silk, rayon, etc., don't really know except the latter choice or spray on dry cleaning and let dry, but any of those are going to leave remnants of stain.

[Guest loverboy]

>A trick just left and he

>was one of those guys

>who sprays all over the

>place like a wild hose

>and he got several splats

>of spunk on my expensive

>couch - HOW DO I

>GET THE STAINS OUT?!?!?!?

 

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic or judgemental (I suppose this may sound that way) cuz I'm not, but why do you do things like that on an expensive couch in the first place? It's predictable that *something* may happen to mess it up.

[johnnysneakers]

I would suggest when hiring an escort to ask about his trajectory. Then you can redecorate your hotel room or estate accordingly. Paintings on canvas, esp by dead french artists, should be kept out of the line of fire.

[Guest shadow]

I'm sorry, but if I didn't say it, someone else would say it. THIS IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!

 

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

 

Man, thanks for the laugh, Fin Fang Foom. I hope ypu're successful in getting the stains out. Of course, you could always collect the stuff in plastic bags and auction it on Ebay

 

Thanks, Fin Fang Foom

[Boston Guy]

I think I'd treat it as a protein stain. Search on the web for how to remove blood stains on whatever type of fabric you have and, if you follow the same procedure, you'll probably meet with success.

 

Good luck.

[Paul Revere]

Just turn the cushion over. Then turn it dirty-side-up when yur next escort cums over.

[Paul Revere]

Or maybe slip covers?

 

In the fifties, lots of people kept plastic on the good furniture.

 

Actually if the escort had been wearing a "slip cover" there would not be a problem.

[Guest Tall Texn]

Love the plastic look! Or doilies? That way you could strategically move them around? <grin>

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

>I don't mean to sound unsympathetic

>or judgemental (I suppose this

>may sound that way) cuz

>I'm not, but why do

>you do things like that

>on an expensive couch in

>the first place? It's

>predictable that *something* may happen

>to mess it up.

 

1. It wasn't an escort - just a generic trick.

2. Without getting specific (it's a LONG story), he was on a towel on the couch but some of his cum flew way over to an unprotected part of the couch and I WARNED him not to get any spunk on it. I HATE it when these bottoms don't do what you tell them to do!!!

[Guest shadow]

>

>1. It wasn't an escort -

>just a generic trick.

>2. Without getting specific (it's a

>LONG story), he was on

>a towel on the couch

>but some of his cum

>flew way over to an

>unprotected part of the couch

>and I WARNED him not

>to get any spunk on

>it. I HATE it when

>these bottoms don't do what

>you tell them to do!!!

>

 

Did you spank him?

[Guest EvilSwine]

I agree with Revere. Plastic slip covers or some other sort of covering that you can throw in the washer now and again would probably be a good choice. But there ARE products out there you can get in the supermarket that are good for "dry"-cleaning upholstery. I wonder how those pet stain removers would work. You might try those or something like Woolite carpet and upholstery cleaner. I'm lucky in that I have a home steam cleaner with an upholstery attachment in case anything like that ever happens to me.

[Justice]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-01 AT 09:56PM (EST)[p]LOL! I was just going to ask the same thing!

[Justice]

>>2. Without getting specific (it's a

>LONG story), he was on

>a towel on the couch

 

Next time your going to have to use an old sheet. ;-) (Seriously though, I hope that you're going to be able to get the stain out. Some of the suggestions sound pretty good. Hopefully one of them will work.)

[Bilbo]

I read somewhere years ago that your own saliva is the best thing for getting your own blood out of things, and that it'll work, though not as well, on someone else's blood, too. That's a protein, right? Well, just lick the ... Um ... Seriously, though, perhaps you could spit onto a cloth and try using that to liquify the sploog again enough to soak it on, um, onto the rag?

[jasne]

Can you imagine an info-mercial on this? I'd love to take a stab at the script.

[Guest elwood]

This one really made me smile :-). Thanks....and good luck with your upolstery. I wish I had more problems like this.

[Guest Fin Fang Foom]

Don't worry everyone - all is fine. Rick Munroe came over and sucked the stains out.

 

I love him.

[CT Dick]

Or doilies? That way you could strategically move them around?

 

 

Now really, TT, wouldn't a trick in doilies look like a girl?!?

[Justice]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-17-01 AT 10:28PM (EST)[p]I still say that you should use a sheet! ;-)

[Guest EvilSwine]

I doubt I could use my saliva. My dentist thinks I have some sort of weird chemistry in my mouth and has me coming in twice as often for cleanings because I have an incredible ability to accumulate calculus on my teeth. He despairs of ever finding a cavity in my mouth and feels that my gums will let me down LONG before my teeth ever do. He even broke an instrument on one of my teeth once.

 

I still think you should get some Oxy-Clean..heh heh..I actually bought some. Very good on fresh stains. May have to use a lot of it if they aren't new.

[Bilbo]

As they say in Thoroughly Modern Millie, "Soy Sauce!"