THURSDAY HUMOR

[jackhammer91406]

A crusty old man walks into the local First Baptist

Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn

church."** ****

 

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon,

sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

 

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this

damn church!" ***

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is

not tolerated in this church."

 

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the

pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

 

They both return to her office and the pastor asks

the old geezer,

"Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" **

 

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just

won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this

damn church to get rid of some of this damn money."**

 

"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving

you a hard time?"

[Rick Munroe]

LOL! I emailed it to some friends/family but I spiced it up a little, changing "damn" to "goddamn" and "bitch" to "fucking bitch."

[jackhammer91406]

At Vons Pavillions (an upscale food chain here in Los Angeles) I saw a handsome young male 20 something waiting in line. He was there returning a home pregnancy test and buying condoms.

 

You can't make this stuff up.

[jackhammer91406]

FRIDAY HUMOR

 

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following

conversation took place:

 

First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out

fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint

every room in the house next weekend.'

 

Second guy: 'That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would

build her a new deck for the pool.'

 

Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'

 

They continue to fish. When they realized that the fourth guy has not

said a word, they asked him. 'You haven`t said anything about what you

had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What`s the deal?'

 

Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut

off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said: 'Fishing or

Sex?'...and she said:

 

,,,,,,,,,, 'Wear sun-block.'