I got a massage from Vladimir last night and, unfortunately, I cannot recommend him, especially to anyone who places importance on the erotic/sensual aspect of the massage. He started with what sounded like a line from a bad porno: “I don’t want to mess up my clothes, do you mind if I work in my underwear?” By the end of the massage, though, I suspected that was the actual reason. He was never fully nude and, given that a reasonably hot naked man was crawling around my bed massaging me, it had a remarkably clinical feel to it. I would like to add the caveat that I’m not direct about what I want in these massages at all. He made absolutely no promises he failed to keep. He might have done more if I asked. But he didn’t offer and I didn’t ask, probably because of how awkward it felt.
That’s the other major reason I can’t recommend him. Literally every interaction with him felt awkward, from the booking to him leaving. I will say I’ve only felt uncomfortable booking massages in Miami. I don’t know if it’s the masseurs or if there’s a crazy clientele making them that way, but Vladimir asked me for my “stats” and literally nobody has ever asked me that. I gave him my name and age and we moved on. Last time I visited Miami someone I contacted and asked me for a picture. I told him that made me uncomfortable and was going to go to someone else and was treated to a lecture on how unreasonable I was being. But back to Vladimir. When he got to my hotel, it was still awkward. Then he used my bathroom for 10 minutes, doing I don’t know what. The shower didn’t run, but I heard many bottles opening and closing. This wasn’t to shorten the massage. He gave me the full 90 minutes. It’s possible that his decision to use my hotel bed rather than bring his table was what made this part awkward. Afterwards, he jumped in my shower without asking. I would have been absolutely fine if he had asked, just struck me as slightly rude not to. To finalize the evening's awkwardness he took a weirdly long time to leave after he had showered, dressed, and been paid. He just sat playing with his phone. It was probably only a few minutes, but felt really long to me. He left after the third time I told him goodnight. I don’t think he was waiting for a tip, he asked me if I needed change. I would rate the massage itself as good (not great), but I don’t think I enjoyed it as much as I would have if the situation hadn’t been as uncomfortable as I found it.
