I know the EXACT same feeling. I remember first stumbling across an escort over 15 years ago named “BC Josh” out of British Colombia with what I think was his own website. Gorgeous smooth, blonde, muscle guy with partial face pics with good reviews on here (I think), and driving a convertible car in some pics. I wanted to meet him, but couldn’t muster up the courage to pull the plug and go see him or bring him down. By the time I did muster the courage, his ad was gone, and phone disconnected. I was so bummed.
A year or two later, I tried my first hourly with a smooth muscular Mediterranean guy named Vince I think at his apartment off Artesia Blvd and the 405. I was hooked. Maybe it was like a drug in some form.
Over the months and years that followed, I would do more hourlies, progress to overnights, then weekends, and even a few vacations if the price was right. I’m sure I started to have feelings for a few of the regulars, as it only seems natural. Then your body starts confusing the sexual feelings and pleasure it receives with your brain trying to sort it out and telling you “this is not love...this guy would never be with you if money were not involved.” I even developed a few sleeping disorders because of the body and brain trying to balance these things out. Once I did, the sleeping disorder went away.
As I get older, my sexual desires have gone down. I still hire from time to time, but not as much as I once did. I have a narrow window of what I like sexually: naturally smooth, muscular, and younger than me. Sometimes people pass through town, and I might hire them for an hour to try them out. Sometimes I hire them for an overnight or weekend if I fly them them in. Most work out just fine, and sometimes I repeat if we click, and the price is right. If I do two nights (a weekend), we click, the price is $2,000 or below, I may have them out again. However, if the overnight is over $1,500, and no multi-night rate for a weekend, that will probably be the only time I see them. If we don’t click, if they’re on their phones a lot, disconnected from what they’re doing, only think about themselves, I also probably won’t repeat.
Over the last few years, I’ve felt the emptiness and depression you feel when some have left. I assume it’s the high of having them here, and then the emptiness when they go away. Some I feel, “I just spent THAT much for that time?” when they leave, so that can add to the depression. Like I said before, it probably adds to the feeling of not being able to get someone that looks like the way they do without money involvement. I’m sure I could find someone closer to my age being a fire captain and all, but when I’ve been on dating sites, nothing sexually appealing stands out, and I think that’s an important part of a relationship too.
I’ve been on a few vacations to Greece, England, Spain, Ibiza, etc with some close girlfriends. I pay their way—and we don’t have sex of course—but the companionship makes the trip that much better.
Anyways, I know your feelings. It’s gotten better over the years, but I’ve found different ways to cope with loneliness, emptiness, and the depression that’s sometimes felt. You’re not alone in your feelings.
I disagree with your premise about LA. I find we have a great variety to chose from. I travel a bit and have seen the offering in other cities and I think we have it good. This site alone I’d say a good 30-40% of the discussions are about LA providers.
With so many choices there are bound to be average masseurs but I think that’s part of what makes it fun, there is always something new. And while it might be a hit or a miss part of the excitement is that sense of the unknown, not knowing where a session might go and being surprised and awed. While I have my 2-3 go to guys I still like to have new experiences and am glad I live where there are plenty of options.
Yes perhaps I’ve been doing this too long. I’ve seen the price points double in the 20 years since I started to partake of m4m massage services. I’ve seen guys come and go and think that I’ll never have experience like that again and then new guys show up to the scene and the cycle starts all over.
