I think that a lot of hiring escorts is about illusion and fantasy. A large part of sexual drive and performance depends on those as well. Part of me wishes I could know what people really think of me, by overhearing the kinds of conversations that you did, and the other part, which increasingly wins as I get older, doesn't care. I know myself better than anyone else, and I am honest to me, so let the fantasies continue! There are young, sexy guys out there who are genuinely attracted to the experience, wisdom, confidence and intelligence of older men. I would work on finding them.