Even if your goal is to save your relationship, you should absolutely talk to a divorce lawyer to learn your rights. Frankly, the grounds for divorce, even adultery, rarely have anything to do with the financial disposition. You need to know the laws of your state, and it may temper his position if he learns that he can't really take everything from you. And his refusal to have sex may give you a lot of legal ammunition if you need it.
Having spent 40 years practicing family law, I can tell you that same-sex breakups are just as messy as opposite-sex divorces. So know your rights while you are trying to save the relationship.