If YOU seek out a provider and want to meet them, you should do it on their terms. They ask me for a $100, $250, $500 deposit all of the time. If they have good reviews and they seem accomodating then be willing to send it or don't waste your time. It's a risk, I get it. But how you mitigate that risk is by checking reviews and feeling them out a little. They do this for money so if you want all these things for them, you should be willing to do it their way. They don't have to see you. I know from my experiences in talking with providers that the ones that send a deposit no problem usually always have a much better experience. When you make the person you want to hire feel at ease that generally equates to a much better experience for you. Yeah, it's a risk. But so is anything, never been to Atlantic City or Vegas? Never lost $100 in the casino before? It's not that serious. A real provider with good reviews probably won't burn you. If he does then report him. Any one that values their reputation isn't gonna risk it on cheating you out of 50, 60, 100 bucks.
I can tell from what I've read on this site that some of these guys never book a provider, they're bored at home or just want a way to get off over the phone, or they're window shoppers and bargain hunters. My advice to you (which you won't take) is that quality items have a premium cost.
You message a guy for his rate and he tells you it's 500 and you try to talk him down to 300 or something and if they do agree to meet with you, they will not have the same enthusiasm as they would if you just paid them their rate. That's a less fulfilling experience for YOU, the client. You shouldn't be reaching out to providers if you don't have the extra money to spend. Imagine you owned a business and people were constantly wasting your time and trying to haggle with you. It would get old, a less patient provider might even develop a bad attitude and resentment towards people who reach out to them.
I get it, everyone wants the highest quality even if their money and respect isn't in alignment. But if you want a good experience, do your research, be respectful and accomodating for the entirety of the interaction and be willing to pay the requested rate.
A little courtesy and human decency goes alooooooooooooong way.