gcursor

Very nice topic friendofsheila....here's mine

GOOFUS: Wow, that face you're making is SO HOT

GALLANT: I'm having an allergic reaction!!

GOOFUS: Please MASTER! I want it SO bad!!!!

GALLANT: You forgot SIMON SAYS

GOOFUS: You had sex WITH WHO?!

GALLANT: You mean WITH WHAT?!

GOOFUS: *moaning* Oh yea..I love you fucking me in the bath house

GALLANT: Hey...I'm over here!

GOOFUS: You're a dirty fucking filthy pig!

GALLANT: It's a zoo? It's supposed to look that way!

Boy...did anybody else get this vision when this thread started. It's a hospital room and you're waiting impatiently for the doctor. You hear the intercom say, "Paging Dr Tyger...Dr Tyger...Exam room 4". You start to get all excited then the door opens and in walks Tyger wearing nothing but a stethoscope. "Are you ready for your examination?" says Tyger.

I'm sorry Scorpio. I wasn't trying to violate the Terms of Service. I was just trying to provoke some participation amongst the forum and let everybody have a little bit of a laugh..maybe lighten their day some too.

Gcursor

From the Terms of Service:

 

4. We realize the message center is part of the global community of the public Internet and we respect all cultures and languages. The primary language of the message center is English. Since the moderators may or may not speak other languages, the potential for abuse in non-English posts is great. Please post in English only

http://www.companyofmen.org/tos.html

SO.....

I wanted to float this question and see if I got any takers...I'm sure at least a few of you know a foreign language or two or three or four or more, right?

SO...how many foreign languages do you know

AND

say something funny (doesn't have to be a joke) in one of the languages you know.

Gcursor

Um...so knowing what we know about dick sizes..is there any research data available on where the best ass can be found worldwide? and if there is no data then would anybody like to join my research team to investigate this further. gc

Dear Mom:

OH NO! I'm LOST again!

Waldo

Dear Lindsay Lohan:

Thanks for taking the spotlight off of me for a while!

Britney Spears

Dear Bird Singing Outside my Bedroom Window at 4 a.m:

You don't have a job, your kids don't talk to you and your parents hate you.

Not an early riser

Dear Conscience,

Please talk with intuition...You've p*ssed it off again!

Self

*this post meant for humor purposes only*

Dear Employees of ACME Corporation:

I think you will agree that the financial results we reported today shows that ACME continues to be a very strong company. This is despite the SEC investigation, FBI probe, bankruptcy, and rumors of executive pay abuse (none of which have been proven). While many jury trials are pending, we have turned the corner from shell corporations and shadow investments to looking towards the future.

The fourth quarter results we reported met or exceeded earnings estimates. However while exceeding earnings,we will have to report a loss of more than FOUR billion dollars in liquidity. This is a one-time loss to bring us back in line with Wall Street predictions.

Contract signings fell short of our target. This is in no way any one person's fault (well nobody that is still at the company, that is). Further it should be made clear that because of the rash of companies breaking contracts with us, we have decided to go to a "30-second" quickie contract option in addition to our regular contract offerings.

The company's success for this year and beyond will continue to depend on the creative talent we have in the accounting department and our ability to cut as many workers as possible without lowering employee morale. We want you to know that the employee cuts that we are talking about are NECESSARY and will be transparent on many teams. This means that most cuts will then be aimed at either upper-management or team leaders in general.

Remember that our success will depend on how much you believe in the company and how well you ignore any negative reports. Remember that just because somebody is led away in handcuffs does NOT necessarily mean that they are guilty of any crime. We STILL live in a nation where a person is judged innocent unless found guilty by a jury of his peers (if he can't afford a high-priced attorney team)

regards,

ACME Management

p.s. To further help in our cost-cutting efforts, we are hereby doing away with ANY electronic device whatsoever. Your help in this matter will be greatly appreciated.

I come to you today because of a very serious medical condition. We here at Gcursor Industries have discovered a condition we call CHRONIC SPOUSE SYNDROME. Did you know that 1 out of every 5 people are afflicted with this terrible disease?

This disease is something that affects men and women causing them very serious health problems ending in death. Here are some of the warning signs:

* inability to make decisions without spouse's approval

* constant need to talk over other spouse

* burning desire to want to be left alone when around spouse

* deep-seated need to want to have own "space" for own things

* total lack of willpower to do anything

* desire to create constant "honey-do" lists

* ability to finish each other's sentences or thoughts until the other spouse tells them to "Shut up!"

* total and COMPLETE disregard of common courtesies, clothing, and attitude when alone with the other spouse

* desire to never want to go home when the spouse is there

* constant need to work overtime to satisfy spouse's need for material goods

Remember this is a terrible disease! It robs men of the ability to go out with the boys every once in a while. Women no longer have the ability to go out to the beauty parlor or to go shopping. Further both sexes may also lose the desire to be attractive to any people around them (in essence, letting themselves go "all to hell" and my go to the grocery store in bunny slippers and the movies in a bathrobe).

Dear.....

Dear Satan:

I'm on vacation for a week. You're on your own.

God

Dear Hollywood:

Seriously how many d*Mned Superman MOVIE re-makes do we need?!?!!?!

Movie Viewer

Dear Mickey Mouse:

God...I love you so much! Let's do lunch.

Bugs Bunny

Dear Justin Bieber:

You are NEVER allowed to use our name or any of our members in conjunction with you ever again.

The Cute & Adorable Organization

Dear Earth:

Man..you guys really fell for that December 2012 APril fool's joke! hahahahhaahahahahaha!

The Mayans

Dear Robin:

Would you PLEASE take my suit to the cleaners after you "use" it?

Batman

Dear Grim Reaper:

I'm sorry. You've contracted a fatal disease and you only have two weeks to live.

Your Doctor

OH! I can play this game! Something fun I can work with...

 

Dear Freddy Krueger

F*** you!

The Care Bears

 

Dear Hope:

We don't think it's working out with you and we're splitting up with you!

Faith and Charity

 

Dear U.s. Senate:

If you DON'T solve this budget debate soon then I'll be forced to hold my breath until my face turns blue!

President Obama

 

Dear Honey:

You're old, fat and I want a divorce!

Mrs. Claus

 

Dear u.s.a.:

Why does everybody hate me and run from me? What have I done to deserve this?

Bigfoot

 

i'll be back with more...

Dear....

OH! I can play this game! Something fun I can work with...

Dear Freddy Krueger

F*** you!

The Care Bears

Dear Hope:

We don't think it's working out with you and we're splitting up with you!

Faith and Charity

Dear U.s. Senate:

If you DON'T solve this budget debate soon then I'll be forced to hold my breath until my face turns blue!

President Obama

Dear Honey:

You're old, fat and I want a divorce!

Mrs. Claus

Dear u.s.a.:

Why does everybody hate me and run from me? What have I done to deserve this?

Bigfoot

i'll be back with more...

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns

 

 

Dear Twilight Fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping

through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,

Logic

 

 

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,

The Titanic

 

 

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

 

 

Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada

 

 

Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just

saying...

Sincerely,

Google

 

 

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF

happened?!

Sincerely,

1985

 

 

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely,

That Little Triangle

 

 

Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.

Sincerely,

Jack

 

 

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,

BP

 

 

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God

 

 

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,

Unimpressed

 

 

Dear Michael Jackson,

You really should have become a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but

the benefits....

Sincerely,

The Pope

 

 

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,

Stevie Wonder

 

 

Dear Nickleback,

That's enough.

Sincerely,

The World

 

 

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,

Black people

 

 

Dear Mary,

Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.

Sincerely,

Joseph

 

 

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely,

United States

 

 

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely,

Parents Everywhere

 

 

Dear Anne Frank,

Two can play this game....

Sincerely,

Waldo

 

 

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,

Superman

 

 

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,

Nail Salon Ladies

 

 

Dear Americans,

I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care

benefits.

Sincerely,

Canadians

 

 

Dear Global Warming,

You're the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely,

Al Gore

 

 

Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Alcohol

 

 

Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells

you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely, Jenny

 

 

Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely,

Justin Beiber

 

Dear Haiti ,

Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?

Sincerely,

Seriously Going To Hell

 

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What

now?

Sincerely,

Leonardo Di Caprio

 

 

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some

Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans

 

 

Dear Snooki,

GET BACK TO WORK!

Sincerely,

Willy Wonka

 

 

Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans

 

 

Dear Twihards,

If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours Sincerely, Gay Men Of America

 

 

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of

shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User

 

 

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified

 

 

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore

 

 

Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,

Elephant

 

 

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here

first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper

 

 

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,

Sarah Palin

Dick Tariffs

*the following is meant for entertainment purposes only*

Oh good...now in addition to importing cars, electronics, etc. we're importing dick too? What kind of tariffs are being put on that? and how do you measure for the tariff? is it girth and length or just one of those?

gc

Well thank goodness for NAFTA... I see Canada and Mexico both have the U.S. beat with their meat.

brrr

What about the Eskimo who stabbed himself with an icicle and died of cold cuts???