i sometimes get the urge to be a top, but when i top i like to be really dom/rough/mean/a bit violent. ive had past relationships where the bottom told me later on that he thought it was a bit too much and didnt enjoy it - even though we had VERY clearly set boundaries, he said he wanted to impress me/be a "good boy" and not tell me to stop - which obviously made me feel VERY bad because i would never want to hurt anyone.
I would be even more nervous if I hurt a provider, with the financial aspect to add on top, so ive only ever been with one sub provider, which proved to be way more vanilla than i was hoping. how can i change this and find a good sub that i can abuse, and who enjoys it? ahaha