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Adele was a “shell of a person” after cancelling her Las Vegas residency at the last minute.
The ‘Easy On Me’ hitmaker stunned fans in January when she axed her concert series just days before it was due to start and she admitted she was plagued by guilt but needed time to “grieve”.
Speaking to Lauren Laverne on ‘Desert Island Discs’, she said: “I was a shell of a person for a couple of months. I just had to wait it out and just grieve it, I guess, just grieve the shows and get over the guilt, but it was brutal.”
The 34-year-old star knows how disappointing her decision was for fans but she still believes she did the right thing.
She said: “The show was not good enough. Maybe my silence has been deadly, I don’t know. But it was horrible.
“I definitely felt everyone’s disappointment and I was devastated, and I was frightened about letting them down. I’d thought I could pull it together and make it work and I couldn’t, and I stand by that decision.
“I don’t think any other artist would have done what I did and that is why it was such a massive, massive story. It was like, ‘I don’t care. You can’t buy me, you can’t buy me for nothing. I’m not going to just do a show because I have to or because people are going to be let down or because we’re going to lose loads of money.’”
While Adele was criticised for staying silent in the aftermath of the cancellation but she insisted it wasn’t necessary for her to keep addressing fans.
She said: “Of course I could be someone on TikTok or Instagram Live every day, being like ‘I’m working on it’. Of course I’m working on it! I’m not gonna update you if I ain’t got nothing to update you with, because that just leads to more disappointment.”
The ‘Someone Like You’ singer still battles stage fright and she knows when it will be time to call it a day.
She said: “My adrenaline means I am excited and my nerves mean I want to go and do a great show. When I don’t feel like that, I am done – l won’t do it any more. I think a lot of people actually don’t care any more and it breaks my heart when I go to a show or I hear an album and I think: ‘I don’t think they care about what they are doing any more’.”
The ‘Hello’ singer – who has nine-year-old son Angelo with ex-husband Simon Konecki and is in a relationship with Rich Paul – acknowledged she has tried to keep out of the public eye but her desire to be “such a recluse” has only “fuelled” further interest in her.
She said: “Sometimes it used to be two years and I wouldn’t be seen anywhere. I used to just hang out at home. But also I have a whole setup of how I move, and no one ever knows, just so I can go out and be completely carefree.”