A fun story that has some sex, kinda-sorta

[+ friendofsheila]

I don't get many venues to tell this story, so I'll share it here. Maybe y'all will be prompted to tell a story of your own.

 

One day I was visiting Nob Hill Theater, a gay strip club in SF. I was sitting in the hallway outside the main auditorium, waiting for the 5:00 show, reading a book. I had about 10 minutes or so to go.

 

As often happens in this place, some guy was walking kinda nervously/anxiously from the front of the place to the back, his hands in his pockets, mostly glancing at things out of the corners of his eyes. I didn't really notice him until he paused outside the auditorium near where I was sitting. He had curly blond hair, long legs in chinos, early 30's and was even kind-of pleasant-looking even though he was acting a little squirrely. I thought I'd try to engage him in conversation, since so little of that happens in this place that I get bored. The music in this place was REALLY loud so I had to shout

 

"HI. YOU WAITING FOR THE 5:00 SHOW?"

 

He shifted his jaw a little. "Uh, no."

 

"OH. I AM."

 

Somehow the conversation got started from here, but I don't remember how since this was such an un-promising start. But start it did and it probably wasn't too long before I heard him say:

 

"ARE YOU GAY?"

 

In the micro-second I had to think about the question, I tried to think of a silly wisecrack, but couldn't. So I just said, "UH-HUH."

 

I then remembered that people generally ask the question THEY want to be asked, so I said,

 

"ARE YOU?"

 

"NO," he shouted back.

 

"Oh," I said and had half a moment to think about this. Well, a straight guy comes into a place like this to find out what it's like, I guess. (This should maybe tell y'all how clueless I can be at times.) Hmm. Well, I should be nice to him since he's taking a kind-of a chance here.

 

"Oh, that's cool," I continued. "I suppose if I had the extra money I'd probably spend some going to a straight place to see what it's like..." The conversation must have continued somehow because again I don't remember how long it was before I heard him say,

 

"YOU WANNA GO INTO THE BACK AND WATCH ME JERK OFF?"

 

Truth be told, this is not one of my fantasies. So I just said, "No thanks; I'm good," and once again more conversation I don't remember, and again he says,

 

"YOU SURE DON'T WANNA COME WATCH ME JERK OFF?"

 

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks for offering though!" was all I could say.

 

The guy ended up asking me THREE times. On the third time one of my more neurotic brain cells fired up and announced in my head "Oh, no! I'm not being a good ambassador for the gay community!" So I said "okay" against my better judgement.

 

I gathered my backpack together while he headed to the back area where there's a bench near the private rooms and the stripper pole. I got there to see him, standing with his hand down his chinos, his zipper open and lots of his boxer shorts and hand visible and about 3 millimeters of his penis showing. I sat and watched him look awkward and not do much stroking (as if he could do any without unbuttoning the top button of his pants). After a few moments I came to a conclusion and asked,

 

"I GET THE FEELING YOU'D KINDA LIKE TO BACK OUT OF THE OFFER. AM I RIGHT?"

 

He nodded. I got to see the 5:00 show.

 

I guess when straight men and gay sex collide it's a pretty awkward situation altogether.