Straight guys' needs

[+ friendofsheila]

I have had acquaintance with more than one straight guy who seems to enjoy my attention and opens up to me and gives signals that he wants to be closer (not in a sexual way), but then shuts down the open side of himself or disappears from my life when I start to respond in a warm, brotherly way. (I'd ask them directly about this but, you guessed it, they shut down completely and don't return communication with me. )

 

One conclusion I've come to is that I tend to gravitate towards these guys because of how it was for me growing up with the other males in my family. Another is that there are probably straight guys out there who really do want or need attention and maybe even physical affection (all non-sexual) from other guys, and might even be willing to accept it from us gay men, but get weirded-out when actually approached with it.

 

Anybody else had similar experience or theories?

[Ryan]

This could be an interesting discussion topic. I have had the opposite experience, actually. When I came out, I decided I was never going to make any excuses or concessions about being gay. I was very successful in my career, very public and fortunately, was able to make many good friends, about half of them non-gay males. My first big surprise was when I hosted the company Christmas Party after about three years of working in a small company. It was a very jolly affair with lots of food and drink, dancing and frivolity. It was just one of those magical times when a party goes perfectly. One co-worker who attended with his wife, at the end of the party, was saying goodbye and thank you for the evening. We were talking at the door and he spontaneously leaned into me and game me a big wet kiss right on the lips. I was stunned. He pulled back, looked at me with an equally stunned look and said, "I've wanted to do that my entire life. Thanks for a great night." We remain friends to this day, as does his wife and 2 kids.

Everyone needs genuine authentic relationships. There is simply no reason why they can't be accomplished. I am now finding non-gay men who are no longer threatened at all by the idea of close friendships with gay men. They are physical (non-sexual) with me as I am with them. We talk about sex, sometimes all the gory details. And one husband of one of my very best female friends actually thanked me for instructing his wife to go for his prostate just as he was about to orgasm! Ta-da! Life is wonderful.

Don't know if this has added to a discussion, but I sure wanted to tell that story.