He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

[FourAces]

I am going to rock the boat a little ... and when you're as fat as I am I can only hope that I don't rock it too hard as I will fall overboard.:7

 

For the past 24 months I've been hanging out with this lovely twink. I believe I had mentioned in a previous post that I'm 30 years older than him. We have done a few weekend get aways together and he visits me about once or twice a month (we live in different states).

 

I have fallen in love with him. I want nothing but the best of life for him. I care very deeply about everything he does.

 

Our relationship is hard to define. We are friends in and out of bed. We both have our own set of like aged friends and interests.

 

I feel strongly it's time I let him know my full feelings for him. This is a little scary as I don't want to risk losing what we have now. I play poker semi-professionally and "reading" people is something I'm pretty good at. But it's a little hard to get a "read" on him when it comes to our relationship.

 

Anyone else been in this situation? If so what was the outcome?

 

RT

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I'll be the first, in what might prove to be a very long thread~

 

Be honest with this kid, but most of all be honest with yourself. If he bolts or freaks out, don't be shocked, as this kind of coversation can frighten some people who aren't accustomed to dealing with it. One thing that might help us in forecasting this situation is the maturity level of this guy you're seeing... Is he a typical 20-something or is he wise beyond his years. This will be a BIG factor in things.

 

Love is a tough word: Is it true love or is it a mass infactuation? Do you feel from your prior encounters that he might reciprocate the same feelings? It might seem a bit brutal, but now is the time to consider all possible options, good & bad. You realize that if this guy can't handle the truth, you may not only be out a good friend & escort, but someone you truly held close.

 

I've dealt with some former guys i've seen and the issue of falling in love. IMO, it's sometimes easiest to cut people loose, as i have my own long-term relationship and refuse to lead people down the primrose path. It hurts a lot more in the longrun when you keep playing along and getting deeper into fostering the problem.

 

I'm sure more concise and thought-out answers will be included in this thread. Apologies, but it's 3am here in Nassau and i'm doing the whole 'stream-of-conscious' thing here on the MC

 

Hope everything turns out the way you need it to. Best wishes.

 

 

Warmest Always,

 

 

 

Benjamin Nicholas

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

Know what you want before you ask for it.

 

>I feel strongly it's time I let him know my full feelings for

>him.

 

Why? Why do you need to move off the current spot? What is it that you hope to achieve? What is it that you don't now possess that you need to posess at the risk of destroying your current relationship? Best to answer these before you proceed.

 

Based on what you have said here and before, up until now he has seemed the more needy of the two. If you turn the tables he might see that what he was seeking is not there. Just a thought.

[WEST COASTER]

Proceed with caution! It seems to me that you have more to lose than gain. You will be running the risk of losing a good friend and one who you enjoy being with while hoping for a stepped-up relationship that from my experience has very little prospect of long-term success.

 

Love is a word and feeling that has many, many degrees and can be a very frightening concept to some individuals. The difference in your ages is also a factor - friendship and companionship is one thing, love is something totally different.

 

Wait until you friend gives you stronger and more positive signs of his feelings - until then maintain the staus quo and enjoy what you have!

[Trixie]

This can be a very difficult situation, and it's one that I've been in, although not with an escort. When you have strong personal feelings about someone, it's hard to assess the relationship objectively, maybe that's why your pokers skills are proving to be useless.

 

First off, your post doesn't seem very hopeful. It has a tone of sadness to it that suggests that somewhere in your heart & mind you already know what the answer is. And of course the answer might well be more complicated than a simple "He loves you" or "he loves you not," which makes it even harder to be clear about the situation.

 

You've got to ask yourself some difficult questions to clear away some of the complications. For instance, how much of your relationship revolves around money? Not just the normal hourly rates (assuming he's an escort), but does he rely on you for loans and gifts? Are you financing a substantial part of his life, such as a college tuition, or a car?

If so, do you think he would still be devoted to you if you couldn't or wouldn't continue this support? Could you be happy in a partnership that has at it's base financial dependency? Lots of gents who keep boys claim that it's a very satisfactory, fulfilling arrangement for them. It seems to me that you're seeking a rather deeper commitment, tho.

 

Also, are you the only person he is sleeping with? In your definition of "love", does it mean that you want a monogamous relationship with him? Do you think he'd be able to agree to that freely, or is this a reason why you hesitate?

 

The bottom line is that you want to be content, and so does he. When you look into the future, can you envision a relationship in which both you and he are happy? A relationship that does not involve rather significant changes or sacrifices that seem unlikely or unhealthy? If the price seems too high, then it probably is.

 

I wish you the best of luck, FourAces.

 

Trix

[FourAces]

All valid thoughts and suggestions. Just to clarify one point of confusion he is not an escort. He is someone I met online and we shared a few common interests, met and shortly afterward all became more fun :9

 

I'm not fully certain what his feelings are about me. While the sexual part of our friendship has not been exculsive I do know he has only jumped in bed with two other guys during the past two years.

 

His maturity level is just slightly beyond that of a typical 21 year old but heis far more worldly (sp) than his years. He is well travelled and is fluent in several languages.

 

He did have a brief problem with drugs. He had been very depressed and turned to hardcore drugs during a 6 month time frame. He has been clean for several months now.

 

But with all of this said I think Tampa Yankee put it best. What do I hope to get that I do not kow have with him? Really not much else. I'm not interested in living with him as I feel our age difference would really surface at that point. We see each other as often as realistic due to our distance. We care deeply for each other and he does seem to look to me as a mentor or maybe father figure.

 

I guess (as they saying goes) if it isn't broke don't fix it probably applies now.

 

RT

[VaHawk]

Whatever.