Last Appeal for Rentboy 7

[+ stevenkesslar]

10K out of a 200K goal is 5% of the goal. Sorry, that IS a flop.

 

Have you asked your family, friends and neighbors to contribute? If so, what has been their response?

 

Thanks, Baron, for doing your job, and motivating giving in your unique way.

 

The fact that we didn't reach an ambitious goal immediately doesn't make this a flop. I have no idea when the early battles in Massachusetts (circa 2003) were being funded, whether anybody in the Gay Mafia thought the war they were planning to fund for same sex marriage was winnable. All I know is they kept giving, and adjusting strategies, and fighting. And we eventually won.

 

This isn't same sex marriage. But there are parallels.

 

One, we're in a war, and this is one battle, which may go on for years.

 

Two, just like same sex marriage, this is one where at the front end, a lot of people feel it's a FLOP: unwinnable, or not worth fighting.

 

Three, there is more uncertainty than urgency right now. I can think of the names of a number of people that could write a $200,000 check, if this becomes urgent enough. Right now it is in legal limbo. We don't know what the lawyers are going to do. We don't know if everyone will cave, although we know why they may cave: they are scared and broke.

 

How far would $200,000 or any lesser amount go? I have no clue. The key variable to me is whether groups like Lamba Legal and ACLU and other groups that have already spoken out jump in, legally or politically. They can help expose this for what it is: a misdirected Big Brother crusade against Gays and escorts who are not criminal, and who are doing no harm. If Obama's lawyers move forward with a trial, it will likely drive a loud debate about escorting and decriminalization.

 

I think we can turn our greatest weakness - "sex for money" - around, by coming up with clever and legal strategies like what FreshFluff suggested, to encourage people to donate money to defend Gay sexual freedom. Now I'll move to what Miami is asking about family, friends, and neighbors. It's goes to the heart of our other great weakness: shame.

 

Here's how many times DHS used certain "shame" words in their complaint:

 

PROSTITUTE - 31 times

SEX/SEXUAL SERVICES - 47 times

ESCORT - 53 times

RENTBOY - 98 times

 

I said it before, and I will keep saying it. RentMen is asking for trouble, just like many of you feel Rentboy did, given what the law says today. You don't have to go beyond the name of the website to figure that out.

 

Having said that, should anyone here feel shame for using RentMen to hire legitimate escorts? I don't feel you should. Should anyone feel ashamed for having used Rentboy? Absolutely not.

 

Targeting friends and family for fundraising is not a bridge most people on this site are going to cross, for the reasons Mike Carey said. Many of my clients are not out. So when you start talking about family or friends, it gets very personal and emotionally raw, very quick.

 

Let me now make this as personal as I can. This may also sound guilt trippy. But Miami asked about talking to family about things that can easily involve shame. He invited the emotional in, in my view.

 

Yesterday I spent several hours on the phone with a client of mine who is totally closeted. I can't tell you anything specific about him, because that's confidential. Very few people know he is Gay. But I can tell you the main subject of yesterday's conversation was how I can help a family member who is rapidly dying of cancer.

 

I know all about this client's family, and the illness and death his family has endured. He knows all about my family. I can tell you he invited my mother, who is now in a nursing home with dementia, to his house for dinner so he could meet her during her last trip anywhere, a few years ago. He didn't pay me a dime for my time, of course, and I will be eternally grateful to him for his kindness. I can tell you right now I'm less worried about whether my father knows I'm a prostitute, or gives $25 to help Rentboy. I'm more worried about how I tell him, in person next week, that one of his sons is dying of cancer. I can tell you I am grateful to my client for spending a few hours helping me prepare for that yesterday. I can tell you I am grateful to him for the limitless emotional support he has offered me since he first hired me over a decade ago.

 

My point is not just to play the sympathy card. It is to say that for many, these escort/client relationships are as intimate and as personal as you can get.

 

I can't resist this other anecdote. A different client also invited my Mom to dinner during the same trip. She was already well into undiagnosed dementia, and spent quite a while explaining to him what a horrible husband and useless kids she had. (My Dad is, in fact, sweet and loving, and goes to the nursing home to see her every day). My client was extremely patient. At one point he took her hand, looked her in the eyes, and said: "Sweetie, let's just forget about the kids and start all over."

 

In that moment, I think she loved my client as much as I do.

 

Should my clients and I feel any shame for anything we are doing? God no! Is this criminal prostitution? Sorry, folks, I just don't see it that way. This is, for me, exactly what grace is, exactly what beauty is, exactly what humanity is, and exactly what decency is. That's what I've learned from escorting. That's what my clients taught me. How lucky am I? They've paid me for 15 years to help me learn about grace, and beauty, and decency, and humanity.

 

I'm not ashamed. I'm proud.

 

Would this client donate to a fund related to so-called prostitution, or talk to his family or friends about it? I can't say. But it's a great question. It is the Harvey Milk question. How personal are we willing to get? The core of the question is this: are we willing to let anyone use words like Gay or Pervert or Prostitute to make us ashamed of ourselves?

 

My own answer is obvious: hell no. I actually see that as a benefit of this effort. For many of us, being or hiring an escort is a very intimate and emotional journey. It's a cause for celebration, not shame.

 

When my brother told me he has terminal Stage 4 cancer, after hiding it for a few months, he said, "Don't take this personally. I needed time." My answer was a no brainer: "I do take it personally. I love you. You're my brother. How can I help?" I'm now playing the sympathy card big time, for sure. But anybody who has gotten in bed with an escort, literally or figuratively, knows that there is some part of what DHS calls a global criminal enterprise that actually comes down to this: we are all our brother's keeper. I know I can pour my heart out for my brother now when he needs it. Because that's what being a so-called prostitute has taught me to do.

 

This is going to be blunt, and raw. Does it matter that my brother lost his hair in chemo, looks like shit, and has tumors all through his chest? No. Does it matter that a client is embarrassed because he feels over the hill and overweight, or is uncomfortable in his pretty young Gay skin? No. Escorting goes way deeper than paying somebody for an hour or night for anything. The stories that many of you have been telling in the posts about Rentboy are steeped in that ethic: we are our brother's keeper. Even if he is a called a prostitute, or hires people called prostitutes.

 

To me, escorting is not prostitution. It is humanity - maybe sometimes at its worst, but also sometimes at its best. That is why it is the world's oldest profession. That is why we have nothing to hide from politicians, who make up the world's second oldest profession.

 

Thanks, Miami, for calling the question. I have nothing to be ashamed of. My closeted clients have nothing to be ashamed of, whether they choose to discuss who they really are with family, or ask them for help in defending so-called prostitutes. Nor, I believe, do any of you have anything to be ashamed of. I hope you all take this as an opportunity to celebrate who you are.

 

I haven't, of course, asked this brother to help with a Rentboy donation. Like my other brothers, he gave generously when I was fighting for gay marriage years ago, and asked them to donate.

 

I just gave another $100, which I waited to do until after we met our initial goal. I did so as a symbol. This is not over, at least for me. I'm going to do everything I can to be my brother's keeper. For my brother, for the Rentboy 7, and for this cause. I'm dedicating my donation and my passion in this effort to my brother Gregg, who I love deeply. Both him and I came from a less than perfect family, and we both had to fight our own struggles to find our self-esteem, and to become who we are. He'd appreciate the spirit of this effort. And it will give me a special way to always remember the love I feel for him.

 

I wrote the name "Brothers Keeper" instead of "Anonymous" when I donated. I don't want to be ashamed and anonymous. I want to be my proud brother's keeper.

 

This is a particularly emotional time for me. But I'd like to take the moment to thank every one of you, for everything you have given me and every escort you have cared for.

 

And I'd like to ask every one of you to search your conscience and think about how you can be your brother's keeper: to defend Rentboy, in particular, and to defend escorting, in general. This isn't over. We have both big challenges and, I hope, big things to celebrate ahead.

[adannyboy]

Quick note-

 

All checks have been mailed out. They all wanted to express their deepest gratitude at our fundraising efforts.

 

I do too. Thanks for your support.