Safe Sex / HIV+ Men / Barebacking

[Nvr2Thick]

Hmmm - interesting analogy there: for women "no means no," but with a gay guy no means no maybe. Is this how we justify that we were so caught up in the moment that we just couldn't keep our wits about us? Hmm - but those bad straight guys, well they were just animals and couldn't be dissuaded from going ahead even when the partner had said no. I say this without sarcasm or judgment - just an observation that I'm processing through right now.

 

Having read your post and reread mine, I should try to be more clear. I'm not justifying anything -- it's the opposite. For each of these scenarios we've discussed there's more than one person accountable. If a HIV+ guy chooses to fuck me raw with my awareness or by slipping off a condom he's committing a terrible wrong, but I'm also accountable for getting into a situation and allowing it to happen. If I don't want raw sex I need to be choosy about who I play with and the scenes I get into. As rvwnsd has stated, and we've rehashed a few times, I need to have my wits about me to be aware of the top's actions and take responsibility for those actions. If I get caught up in the moment it's on me. Sometimes it's on him, but it's on me too.

 

This is what I was getting at with the "no means no" stuff: It's been a while, but at least three times I've been in situations where I hooked up with a guy, started to play around, and decided the scene wasn't quite what I was after and was ready to wrap it up and leave. In these situations I was overpowered and fucked. I rode it out, didn't cry, didn't accuse -- I was just done with the guy after that. Sounds like rape and probably is. If a woman were to say that she got into bed with a guy and then decided she didn't want to fuck but he took her against her will I'd think it was clearly rape. For me, because my enjoyment is wrapped up in the top man's desire and pleasure it's hard for me to draw the line. I can think of times when I didn't want to get fucked and a forceful top took control, rode me hard and wore me out and I loved every minute of it. I was so satisfied and proud when a guy connected and enjoyed himself. So, I'm more likely to put accountability for the bad situations on myself. It seems hypocritical to call it rape just because I didn't have a good time.

 

I'd be more inclined to side with a woman claiming rape, but if I think about it it's a tough call as to whether a woman's "no" is the coy "no" that a man seduces his way around or it's the timid "no" of a victim afraid to assert herself. I don't really hold my tops accountable for knowing the difference. How could they?

[Buddy15]

Great thread. I find it interesting that most of the posts are from bottoms who in the heat of the moment have let a top bb or had one try. It would be interesting to hear from tops who do this to find out what their thoughts are on the subject

[rickp]

I noticed over the past three years or so, there's been a definite trend in people asking to have unsafe sex and/or attempting to preform unsafe sex without consent. In the past, it was always just implied that a condom was always used for anal sex, but it's just not the case anymore. I very often have clients ask me to bareback even though it clearly states in my profile that I don't do that.

 

I have had guys attempt to top unsafely, and act as though a condom is a novel concept. Most of them don't even have any condoms in their house. I always bring condoms with me, and I touch/feel throughout getting fucked to make sure it's still on.

[doitb4ugo]

I am more of a bottom but do find myself being requested to top on many occasions....I am not able to perform this role often. Problem is that I can;t keep an erection when I put a condom on.....When with another poz guy..we often go bareback and I have no problem performing....

 

Do others here have the issue of not being able to use a condom for topping? Are there any tricks or techniques which would make it easier to do? Would like to please my partners but woudl prefer to use a condom....

 

 

Great thread. I find it interesting that most of the posts are from bottoms who in the heat of the moment have let a top bb or had one try. It would be interesting to hear from tops who do this to find out what their thoughts are on the subject

[RexAll]

I am more of a bottom but do find myself being requested to top on many occasions....I am not able to perform this role often. Problem is that I can;t keep an erection when I put a condom on.....When with another poz guy..we often go bareback and I have no problem performing....

 

Do others here have the issue of not being able to use a condom for topping? Are there any tricks or techniques which would make it easier to do? Would like to please my partners but woudl prefer to use a condom....

 

I've had the problem of not being able to get hard- or at least hard enough to penetrate with a condom on, so I know how that feels. Here are some suggestions, but I urge you to talk to your urologist or go to one of those clinics especially for impotence problems- so here goes my suggestions--Viagra or the like-- note even though Cialis has ads about being able to use it hours ahead of time- my urologist told me it was the weakest of the three. If you've tried these drugs before, and they don't work that well, Staxyn is a new form of Vardenafil (Levitra). It's a dissolvable tablet, so it seems at least for me to get absorbed faster than the tablets. Another thing would be to try injections- yes I know- injections- but at least the needle is tiny. There are 2 that I know of. One is Caverject and the other that I am less familiar with is called Trimix- which actually had to be compounded either at your doctor's office or the pharmacy- I'm not even sure the mix is standardized. It has 3 components. Finally for some people cock rings or vacuum pumps might help.

 

Rex

 

PS I'm not a urologist- I don't even play one on TV.

[tyro]

I want to reiterate how important communication and vigilance are for both the client and the escort during an encounter. The first time I hired, the escort was ready to enter me and asked if I was OK. I was facing away from him and assumed he had put on a condom. When I said I was OK, I thought I was answering this question: Are you ready for me to get inside of you? He was asking this question: Are you ready for me to get inside you raw? We talked about that afterward. This particular escort has had a vasectomy, gets tested regularly, and is STD-free, but what if he weren't? What if that assumption had cost me my health? No amount of blame or finger-pointing would have helped me.

 

The second time I saw this escort (yes, I did go back, and yes, I did let him bareback me with my knowledge and consent) ended very, very badly for both of us. It was a role-play gone wrong. We both threw each other up against every rough emotional edge we had. Such an experience can be healing and cathartic, but it wasn't for me. I started to do something that could have seriously injured or killed both of us. At that point, he told me he had to drop me as a client. I have told a few people privately what I did; I have no idea if he has.

 

It's been over a year since that appointment. There is no point of writing a review. What am I going to say? He got mean and I got dangerous? There is, however, a point in writing this: We can never really know another's true intentions. For a year, I berated both myself and him for what happened that night.The other day, he was alerted to this thread and immediately contacted me. I was finally able to talk about it. I do believe now that he meant me no harm and was doing his best for someone who needed something more than and/or different from what he could give. It was a hard conversation to have. But it was healing.

 

Some of you know this escort. Some don't. If I have caused him pain, I apologize for that. I am better off -- and a better woman -- for having known him.

Tyro

PS Because this experience also applies to the "bad review" thread, I have posted this message there also.