Lap dance boners

[Cal28]

I was out and about last night and decided to stop by an establishment where scantily clad gentlemen purvey their lap dancing services to patrons. I had never been there before, or in fact, to anyplace like it. I didn’t plan on doing anything, just watching (in retrospect: yeah, right), especially since I had spent some quality one-on-one time with one of this city’s most esteemed muscle boys earlier in the day.

 

Once I arrived, I casually asked around about the procedure. I heard something about “$20 per dance.” Sounds interesting, I thought. I got my beer, stood back and watched. A few of the guys approached me with the “what’s your name?” line, and we chatted amiably for a minute before they learned of my “just browsing” status and went on their way. Then I landed on “Miguel,” or at least I think that was his handle. He was tall, smooth as silk, muscled like nobody’s business, with café au lait skin. Impossibly broad shoulders coupled with an impossibly small waist. Now, in the hands of a well-built Latin guy, I am putty. And this one… man… did he have the goods. At first I thought he was just being cocky when he seemed slow to respond to my small talk, but it turns out he barely spoke any English. He understood some words, though, namely “lap dance.” So off we went.

 

OK, Miguel really knew how to work it. Not only was he hard as a rock absolutely everywhere, but his gyrations had gyrations. So, SO sexy. Even though language remained a barrier, I learned that it was his first night, and I was his first dance. And he didn’t stop. I was vaguely aware of the Nicki Minaj song ending, and the one with Pitbull beginning (though, these days, what song doesn’t feature Pitbull?) Then another, and another, and another. “Wow!” I thought. “I’m really getting my $20 worth!” (In retrospect: Idiot!!) I even thought – and I’m really laying bare my naivete here – that because he is new to the place, he is putting in extra effort. And his arms and skin and abs and chest were... just... so… intoxicating… that it really wasn’t the time for me to put 2 and 2 together.

 

Now, of course, as you all know – hell, as even my (dearly departed) grandma probably knew – lap dances are $20 per song. The “You’re my first customer ever!” line is one of the oldest tricks in the book, surpassed only by “No Hablo Ingles.” To settle up, I had to use one of those bar ATMs that are often equipped with diabolical devices that separate users from their checking account balances. (Wasn’t there a thread recently about carrying $10,000 in cash at all times, just for these situations?!) While the amount I owed was nowhere near that, it was significant enough that I slinked right back to my hotel room, tail between my legs, rather than staying out for more fun. Still, although I paid quite a price for both of my boners, lesson learned… and I did so with a big smile on my face. In retrospect: Miguel was worth every penny.

[corndog]

Welcome to the wonderful world of lap dances. I'm afraid we all fall into this trap the first time. At least it sounds like you got your money's worth, even if it was more money than you were expecting.

 

For the benefit of any readers who haven't had this experience yet, I'll repeat my #1 rule for visiting these establishments: Before you agree to a lap dance, ask the dancer to tell you the song count after every single song. Even if their English is limited, they'll understand this request, and if they pretend not to, they're just hustling you.

[Samai139]

Cal28--even though I pretty much knew where your story was going, I enjoyed reading it and thank you for an entertaining few minutes this Sunday afternoon. Think of all the valuable lessons you learnt from Miguel, in addition to the physical pleasure he gave. Not as cheap as "Lap Dances for Dummes" might be, but way more fun )

[bigvalboy]

Miguel was worth every penny.

 

LOL LOL Loved your story, although those of us with a little more time under our belt knew the ending...I always tell the dancer how many songs I intend to pay for. That way if he tries and sometime succeeds in keeping you longer, then I just give him the amount that we originally agreed upon...I think your last line says it all. I never spend more than I think that I will regret in the morning....and....on those occasions that I did spend too much, my attitude has always been "you only go around once in this life".......

[LurkerSpeaks]

One "tactic" I have used in the past with a dancer I have had prior dances with---I start out by saying "I don't want to have to count every song. I have XX dollars for you, let me know when we get to that point. Here in Phx, the going rate is $10 per song (not totally nude). I told him I had $50 for him.. and lets just say that he was VERY accomodating in the empty lapdance room.

[bigvalboy]

One "tactic" I have used in the past with a dancer I have had prior dances with---I start out by saying "I don't want to have to count every song. I have XX dollars for you, let me know when we get to that point. Here in Phx, the going rate is $10 per song (not totally nude). I told him I had $50 for him.. and lets just say that he was VERY accomodating in the empty lapdance room.

 

I like that system better!! That way if he is having fun also, and sometimes the dancers do get really turned on, he will go for a longer time. If ever you venture to the Miami area and happen in on 'Swinging Richards'....go easy on the drinks and keep your wits about you, or else several hundred dollars later you will stagger out, wondering what the hell just happened...LOL LOL

[JT Brooklyn]

Sounds like an interesting Nite at the 20 Club! Many have left with very interesting experiences to remember!