why cant escorts answer a simple question ?

[doitb4ugo]

I think I understand what's the issue here. Certain people in addition of playing safe need to have this additional 'peace of mind' that their partner is negative.

 

Some like Merlin2 would look for various signs in escort ads, others like the OP will ask directly the question "Are you negative?" (note that the question is rarely "Are you positive?")

 

I understand that failing to answer directly leads to different speculations, hence some may respond with what you want to hear.

 

When I meet someone for a first time, I don't ask the question, because I don't need the 'peace of mind' in addition to the CONDOM.

 

After being in this industry for that long I managed to stay HIV-negative and STD-free. I think it's very important for a good escort to take safer sex and STD issues seriously for the sake of his health and the health of those he's seeing.

 

And before someone asks me I was last tested for HIV and STDs on October 14th (and can prove it).

_____________________

 

GET TESTED REGULARLY. KNOW YOUR STATUS.

 

Exactly......yet when I reveal my + status a certain number of guys (escorts included) tell me they want to be "extra safe" and decline to meet....While I don;t understand their reaction, I certainly respect their descision....it is the major reason I will not have sex without diclosing my +. For my benefit more than the other guy...

 

As for the original question....when I tell an escort that I am positive, I expect him to keep this information somewhat private and not for general discussion with others.....Can the same be said for a client who is told their escort is POS..I think not....sad as it is to say.

[Bosguy]

Exactly......yet when I reveal my + status a certain number of guys (escorts included) tell me they want to be "extra safe" and decline to meet....While I don;t understand their reaction, I certainly respect their descision....it is the major reason I will not have sex without diclosing my +. For my benefit more than the other guy...

 

Thanks Rich (one of the bravest men I have ever had the privilege of knowing)

 

Why can't escorts answer a simple question? Why can't clients answer a simple question? It's a 2-way street guys! Be honest and upfront with sexual partners and, if either does not like the response or the extent of the response, move on. For the few that are upfront about it, my hat is off to you guys because there are many who knowingly go into relations being HIV+ and never tell their partner. WRONG!!

 

Just communicate and make adult decisions that are acceptable to both of you. Life has no guarantees!!

 

Stay well

 

Boston Bill

[+ Travis69]

A more interesting question to ask is "have you ever been tested for HIV or any STDs?". Think there are a lot of closeted people out there who have never even been tested but when asked what their status is will say they are HIV negative and STD free.

[Guest Merlin]

No,jirkwood, some escorts reveal their positive status. Others give you enough information to allow you to form a reasonable belief. "sometimes safe", no limits etc. Safe sex is never safe, but only "safer". It can be safer still if you avoid those who are positive. It is not an absolutely safe system, just safer still.

[Steven_Draker]

when I tell an escort that I am positive, I expect him to keep this information somewhat private and not for general discussion with others

 

I fully agree with you, Doit. That's considered private information. I know several people who are POZ, some are escorts, some are close friends and for nothing I would reveal their status to others.

 

For the few that are upfront about it, my hat is off to you guys

 

Let me second that. My hat is off to you, Doit and Greg and all those of you who are open about your status. And somehow I think if there was more understanding; less stigma, prejudice and false ideas about HIV and AIDS there would be more people open about their status.

 

And finally to Merlin: you can have safe and protected sex that is fun with a POZ person. I'm pretty sure that you already had it without knowing it.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

I think it's probably fair to say that, many, to most, str8, gay, bi and even perhaps even transgendered men (at some point) have had an honesty problem with themselves when it comes to their getting sex and getting laid.

 

Recreational drugs enhance this inability. Tremendously. Whether it be alcohol or cocaine, or methamphetamines. Getting laid for men will always be first and foremost to its after-ward consequences.

 

Look at all the closet cases in our society. Their need to have sex has too many times destroyed everything that they purportedly believed in just to get some cock or ass.

 

Most men wanting to get laid are not interested in your personal status one way or the other. It's simply just a buzz-kill to even ask. Whether you are just sexually or chemically enhanced, it just doesn't matter.

 

When it comes to men having sex with other men, the only honest focus really, is their dis-honesty and disconnect amongst themselves, in what they are doing with one another at the time and how that is probably never going to effect someone else down the line - because of their moment of possible reckless and needed sexual gratification.

 

Gay sex has always been raunchy, reckless and irresponsible simply because it's man on man sex. And up until the HIV/AIDS crisis that was just really cool and acceptable. Everyone looked for it where they lived and often traveled out-side of their own state to experience it. If just for a weekend.

 

Times have now changed. Only those now living in their post 80's years and those in their 20's can make a difference now. Perhaps, we, as gay men, are not capable of anything other than the type of sexual behaviors that we have always been connected to and are perhaps, by our own behavior going to go the way of the other extent species on the planet.

 

I just don't know. But what I do know is that when gay, str8 and bisexual men deny the sexual risks that their behaviors now represent as nothing else other than odds and other less safer delusional protections - I'm concerned.

 

Not for me. But for our future generations.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

And since this topic tends to bring forward more Hippocrates than it ever does actual real people and how they really do interact in their very own personal lives, based upon this very real subject...

 

[video=youtube;lDckgX3oU_w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lDckgX3oU_w

[Guest Connoisseur]

Chime in if your understanding is different, but in addition to being morally wrong I believe in many states if a person knows they are HIV + and don't disclose it to someone they have sex with they have committed a crime.

[+ Travis69]

Chime in if your understanding is different, but in addition to being morally wrong I believe in many states if a person knows they are HIV + and don't disclose it to someone they have sex with they have committed a crime.

 

Either this thread or another that was discussed. A lot of loopholes in the law though. Also some people would not get tested just so they can say they didn't know ahead of time. Stupid for their health and the health of others but smart if it keeps them out of jail.

[seeker630]

Does "swallowing" represents a higher or lower risk than "oral-genital contact" for you, seeker?[/color]

 

I never allow anyone to cum in my mouth. But in my mind, there would not be much additional risk associated with swallowing - I think the greater infection risk comes from having the fluids in your mouth. I suppose there could also be potential for infection through torn or thin membranes in the esophagus, but I think stomach acids would neutralize the virus there.

[josephga]

there's loop holes in the law. some states its only applies to anal and vaginal intercourse not oral. applies to unprotected anal and vaginal.

[Guest ChgoBoy]

When a Toyota Camry is recalled for unexplained acceleration, whether it be because of a dirty, misplaced floor-mat or an infected software program which might cause death to the driver - the world listened and demanded change to protect those people currently in love with these cars as owners, or at the very least, those involved with only perhaps the temporary rental contracts of these cars.

 

When the iphone4 initially launched and people felt that they were becoming infected with a relationship with a device which was believed to be contaminated or flawed by design - People rebelled and spoke out.

 

These were all, in retrospect, reasons to speak out and to speak up.

 

Our personal sexual encounters with similar dangers are seemingly absent of these type expectations as they seem to be buried beyond the voice of our ability to express the difference between safety for convenience and safety for personal satisfaction.

 

You can only recall one when it really matters and the other requires a life-time maintenance policy that you might not be able to afford.

[+ Italiano]

maybe it's just none of your business? Anyway, how is the answer going to change your actions? Will you have unsafe sex if they tell you they are negative? (and if so, why would you believe a total stranger? And why should they trust you if you tell them you're negative?) don't you just assume everyone is positive and act accordingly? I really don't understand the hiv-/hiv+ bareback/safe sex issue on this board. All us should be free to make our own decisions on what risks we're willing to take when it comes to sex. I never ask anyone their status. The results of a test are only as good as an individual's last sexual encounter anyway.

 

 

bravo!!

[JoeBlow]

Escorts have an obligation to reveal their HIV status to clients. Clients should also be truthful and forthcoming about their status. We are all adults and should be completely honest about such a life & death matter as our status.

[Steven_Draker]

I never allow anyone to cum in my mouth. But in my mind, there would not be much additional risk associated with swallowing - I think the greater infection risk comes from having the fluids in your mouth.

 

The doctor says:

 

"Getting HIV infected semen in your mouth poses a risk for infection. The risk for infection during oral sex is considered low when compared to the risk for transmssion through anal or vaginal sex. It is recommended that one minimizes the amount of fluids coming into contact with the mouth, so it's best to avoid having your partners ejaculate in your mouth.

 

There is no evidence that spitting out or swallowing semen would alter your risk for HIV infection. I am not aware of any studies that have examined the advantages of spitting or swallowing. Getting ejaculate in your mouth poses a risk to you, period."

 

source: http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q144216.html?ic=2003

 

Now the tricky question: what about precum?

[Guest Merlin]

Everyone here has advocated "safe" sex. But accidents happen. Sex is safer if you avoid those whom you KNOW to be positive, as when he admits it. But often you have no way to. Some here would say that since you cannot know and cannot believe deniers, you should either assume the risk of an accident with a positive person, or, I guess they are saying, abstain altogether.

 

I prefer, for myself, the middle ground of making a judgement of whether the escort is more or less likely to be positive, based on what he says and other things. It is not perfect, but logically, it is safer than "safe" sex with positive individuals.

[jjkrkwood]

Escorts have an obligation to reveal their HIV status to clients. Clients should also be truthful and forthcoming about their status. We are all adults and should be completely honest about such a life & death matter as our status.

 

Yeah, Good Luck with That JB.....

[SteveEscort]

Escorts have an obligation to reveal their HIV status to clients. Clients should also be truthful and forthcoming about their status. We are all adults and should be completely honest about such a life & death matter as our status.

 

I see a lot of guys who arn't honest about who they really are so I don't think any of them are going to volunteer their status. I've been seeing one client for a long long time called Steve, I bumped into him and his wife and friends in a local bar one night and his friend shouted over to him asking him what he wanted to drink using a COMPLETELY different name, I am unfazed by that it doesn't bother me, but if I can't get them to tell me their real name I am unlikely to get their status.

[Steven_Draker]

I'm more likely to obtain an infection from a client than vice versa.

 

I think the odds are that you're more likely to get an infection from a 'bar or street pick-up' rather than from a closeted client.

[Nvr2Thick]

Actually i ask this in the moment and i have been told sevral times that "i am posotive." i like the taste of cum so i say as we are fast and furious..are you negative becquse i want to drink your jizz but i am negative and many escorts have told me they were posotive. So in the moment i find is better than before they have met u. Yes i still hire many of those who are positive but i do take extta care and i dont drink the jizz. Am i risking the liar sure but really on that level of rosk i am willing to take to taste some of that yum yum! I am still negative as of august, 2011. Bluboy

 

So, if an escort says he's negative he must be telling the truth. After all, no one ever lies about such matters. Also, it's a good thing that there's no chance of him picking up a bug since that last time he was tested.

 

If a guy says he's positive it's useful information and you may act accordingly. If a guy says he's negative he could be withholding the truth for a number of reasons (including not wanting his status to be discussed on this forum) or he may just not know. Maybe he doesn't get tested, or maybe he's had sex since his most recent tests.

 

Steven Draker's point about guys wanting that artificial peace of mind makes it all pretty clear. Is there really less risk if a guy says he's negative -- because he could be telling the truth?

[jjkrkwood]

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT :

 

My partner of 22 years hid the fact that he was HIV+ for the entire time i was with him, up until his sudden death from AIDS 10 years ago. i say sudden, because the revelation was SUDDEN for me, only being told by the doctor as my partner lay dead in his hospital bed. This was the person I shared my life and love with, along with all the intimacies that go along with a beautiful relationship. My point here is, if the person who supposedly LOVED me more than life was able to conceal his status from me, why wouldnt a perfect stranger, who really owes you nothing?

Of course, there are countless reasons people choose to conceal their status. i would never attempt to climb into my partners head to figure out what he was thinking, although this has plagued me all the years since he's been gone. I've seen death from HIV, its horrible... Play safe and dont be trusting. Only YOU can protect yourself.

[SteveEscort]

I think the odds are that you're more likely to get an infection from a 'bar or street pick-up' rather than from a closeted client.[/color]

 

That's most certainly true, it's much safer to book an escort that have a quick fuck behind a night club exit, but in the client/escort scenario I am more likely to gain an infection from him than he is from me.

[seeker630]

I think the odds are that you're more likely to get an infection from a 'bar or street pick-up' rather than from a closeted client.[/color]

 

Can you explain your reasoning here? I'm not disagreeing - just not sure. I have certainly known closeted, married men who were quite promiscuous in cruising areas. My definition of closeted does not pre-suppose abstinence.

[RockHard]

How do you define healthy?

 

Steven Draker's point about guys wanting that artificial peace of mind

 

The peace of mind isn't always artificial. Lies and deceptions are rarely black and white.

 

There are professional escorts who don't engage in high-risk sex, no matter the temptation. These pros get tested for HIV and stds regularly, and they welcome the discussion about safety because they care about your health almost as much as they care about their own. If you have self respect, it makes sense to care about your health. I love an escort who has self respect.

 

If an escort does not want to discuss health issues, a red flag goes up and nothing more needs to be said. I move on.

 

When a client says he doesn't want to know or discuss status, I would pass on sex with that client.

 

Honesty (and I'm not talking about a harmless name change, age discrepancy, or cock size adjustment), when it comes to health safety issues, is crucial in any exchange of sex. This is the reason why I admire escorts who state up front that they are HIV+. It demonstrates they care about themselves and their customers.

 

HIV none of my business? In the sex business? I don't think so. Some of you guys are in denial and you're part of the problem. And you sound like some of the porn producers you bitch about because they don't demand testing among their performers. Hypocrites.

 

I ask every guy I fuck about his HIV status. I also ask about stds, specifically the last time he had one. Even if I don't get the absolute truth, I'm smart enough to know how to analyze the answers and the body language that comes with the responses. I judge and trust my gut. I'm also happy to answer any questions the escort has for me.

 

Soon after my best friends died of AIDS in the mid 80's, and an HIV test became available, I've been getting tested every six months. I'm not a horn-dog, meaning I don't fuck five guys in one day, but I am sexually active. I never take cum in my mouth and I don't bareback. I've never had a sexually transmitted disease.

 

I want to know about HIV status because I don't want to exchange bodily fluids of any kind with an HIV+ gay man. It's that simple. I have family to protect so if I can't protect myself, who will protect me?

 

Self-control for me is a non-issue. I have tons of it. I don't care how hot a guy is, how tempting the sexual intensity, if HIV+ enters the scenario, I'm done.

 

There's a way to stay healthy and enjoy sex. I'm happy I've found a way that is working for me.

[Steven_Draker]

I think the odds are that you're more likely to get an infection from a 'bar or street pick-up' rather than from a closeted client.[/color]

 

Can you explain your reasoning here? I'm not disagreeing - just not sure. I have certainly known married men who were quite promiscuous in cruising areas.

 

By 'closeted' I meant someone who doesn't have sex outside the marriage except with an occasional escort. I believe there are quite a few in that position (or so I am told).