Chuckle: North and South

[Guest DuchessIvanaKizznhugg]

From one of my favourite blogs "I Should Be Laughing"

 

-The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .

-The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

-The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

-The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

-The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.

-The North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

-The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .

-The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

-The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

And, for Northerners moving South:

 

-In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

 

-Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Do not buy food at this store.

 

-Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

 

-Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

 

-Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

 

-Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

 

-The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

 

-If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

 

-Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Grandmas! taught 'em how to aim.

 

And last of all: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think that we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

[MsGuy]

> 'Y'all' is singular <

Yankee folklore.

[KMEM]

Y'all is probably the most inclusive statement known to man. How could it be singular?

 

The Southern Culture works on transplantees also, regardless of whether they can ever be "accepted" as Southerners. I once witnessed a friend who was a FEDEX captain and had the remains of a large tree, more than a stump, about 10 feet tall and 6 feet or so around being removed by some of his fellow captains. All these guys made at least 225 a year, but they all showed up riding their hogs and carrying their chain saws. The poor stump did not have a chance. Good fun for all.

 

Not a one was "from" the South. I watched.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[AdamSmith]

-Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.[/color][/size][/font]

 

That would properly be "all manner of grease," period.

[MsGuy]

That would properly be "all manner of grease," period.

 

If it ain't petroleum based, you make gravy out of it.

----

but they all showed up riding their hogs

 

http://www.clipartguide.com/_named_clipart_images/0511-0810-2816-0613_Cartoon_of_a_Cowboy_Riding_a_Pig_clipart_image.jpg

[KMEM]

MsGuy-

 

I only wish I had a reasonable method to present this image of captains riding their hogs to the FEDEX captains. LOL. Suffice it to say that I am enjoying it in their regard.

 

Best regards,

KMEM

[AdamSmith]

If it ain't petroleum based

 

Your folks must have been more particular than mine.

 

[Guest Spanky]

But in defense of our gentlemen in the south, they do have that sexy accent and southern charm that, when applied correctly, will make you go weak in the knees.

[Guest up4fun]

The 2010 Federal Census For The South

 

 

Last name: ________________

 

First name: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Billy-Bob

(_) Billy-Joe

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue

(_) Billy-Mae

(_) Billy-Jack

 

What does everyone call you?

(_) Booger

(_) Bubba

(_) Junior

(_) Sissy

(_) Other___________________

 

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

 

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

 

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

 

Occupation: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Farmer

(_) Mechanic

(_) Hair Dresser

(_) Unemployed

(_) Dirty Politician

(_) Preacher

 

Spouse’s Name:_________________________

2nd Spouse’s Name:______________________

3rd Spouse’s Name:______________________

Lover’s Name:___________________________

 

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)

(_) Sister

(_) Brother

(_) Aunt

(_) Uncle

(_) Cousin

(_) Mother

(_) Father

(_) Son

(_) Daughter

(_) Pet

 

Number of children living in household: _____

Number of children living in shed: ______

Number that are yours: ______

 

Mother’s Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Father’s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

 

Education: 1 2 3 4 5 6 (Circle highest grade completed)

 

Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

 

Total number of vehicles you own: ___

Number of vehicles that still crank: ___

Number of vehicles in front yard: ___

Number of vehicles in back yard: ___

Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

 

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

 

Model and year of your pickup: 196_

 

Do you have a gun rack?

(_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) The National Enquirer

(_) The Globe

(_) TV Guide

(_) Soap Opera Digest

(_) Rifle and Shotgun

 

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____

Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____

Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

 

How often do you bathe:

(_) Weekly

(_) Monthly

(_) Not Applicable

 

Color of eyes:

Left______ Right_____

 

Color of hair:

(_) Blond

(_) Black

(_) Red

(_) Brown

(_) White

(_) Clairol

 

Color of teeth:

(_) Yellow

(_) Brownish-Yellow

(_) Brown

(_) Black

(_) None(_)

 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

(_)Red-Man

 

How far is your home from a paved road?

(_) 1 mile

(_) 2 miles

(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler

(_) What's a paved road?

[Guest ChgoBoy]

But wait there's more....

 

And then you have this......http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80651215/

[Guest ChgoBoy]

But wait there's more....

 

And then you have this......http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80651215/

 

 

Note: Sarah Palin at the 1:46 mark.