Bondage

[NYTomcat]

OK in my quest for definitions and terms I appreciate your help on Otters and bears and the like. but this has lead to another discussion. Its my belief there is a difference between the Bondage scene and the true S&M scene. I have been trying to understand the fine line that seperates the two. Any input by those in the know would be appreciated and by those just inputting their prurient interest.

[+ honcho]

On Definitions & reality.

 

In my youth, I was a math major; nice clean definitions with absolute truth and absolute falsity. Life, however, doesn't seem to be like that, it's all shades of grey (or black ... depending on your choice of hankies).

 

So not everybody's going to have the same definitions, and certainly not the same viceral responses, but I'll give my take on it....

 

I think there's a fair amount of overlap, but they are not identical.

 

Bondage is about being physically helpless and at the mercy of somebody else.

 

Sadism and masochism has more to do with pain and suffering.

 

Both have elements of surrender.

 

There are also people who are sexually aroused by the notion of either having a slave or being one.

 

There are people who like being tied up, but don't enjoy pain at all. (They might like fear, though).

 

There are pepole who like being tied up and being tickled to the point of being made to writhe. That's pain-and-not-pain. Very zen.

 

Even among the S&M commuinity there's a distinction between "Old Guard" and not -

not being old guard myself, I'm not totally clear on the concept but I think it has to do

with having been an apprentice and earning the right to be a top by having served as a bottom. And in the Old Guard context you would never, ever question authority.

 

Personally. I *hate* being ordered about in real life. I like choices. I work in academia.

I *always* question and do not trust authority. So, when I top, it's not easy for me to put myself in the headspace of a slave. I can demand respect, but that's about it.

 

When I get completely aroused thinking about a masculine muscled stud I hunger to

experience having my balls in pain while appreciating the top in a tactile way. I can take and will enjoy more pain when I'm bound and restrained than when my hands are free to

almost involuntarily fend off attacks (that I"m really wanting).

 

You'll probably take this as a kind of impressionist painting about the landscape, rather than a socratic dialogue, or any kind of clean delineation, but I hope this helps ...

 

Maybe this thread should be move to the fetish forum?

[JT Brooklyn]

I'm sure in time "The Whipman" who is the Authority on all things BDSM will have some Input on this Subject.

[NYTomcat]

Thanks honcho. I placed the thread in the lounge instead of in the fetish list because I wanted a more general understanding. While discovering the true nature of my own sextuality I come across terms that I try hard to define. I've found that often the lounge will give the more novice understanding of the idea (even in gray areas)

Of course is this is more appropriately placed somewhere else I have no problem with the move.

 

Thanks for your understanding as I heard your basic tenets and think it clarified a lot for me