My straight boss loves me as a gay man?

[Guest chicagocityboy]

Is there a friendship between straight and gay person? I am in a dilemma that needs your kind advise. I'm a good-looking professional and gay man in late twenties. I have met this guy at a hi-tech company in the Windy City for about a year. This guy is my boss, 5 years older than me and being the expert in his field. He really supported me greatly in my career. My salary increased quickly and I got promotion quite easy. He has a very beautiful and sexy girlfriend. For no reason that both of them are very fond of me. They asked me to join them for lunch, dinner, sleep over at their mansion house, stay for the weekend. In brief, they just want me to be by their side 24/7. They shared with me all the secrets of their sexual life. They even asked me to sleep in the same bed room (different bed) and I was the witness to their wildest love-making. This guy is a 120% straight guy, who loves to eat pussy, gets horny by lesbian video tape and the worst, gay-bashing and gay-disgusting!

 

At the first time when he met me, this guy told me that I had such a soft voice of a gay man. I just denied being gay and joined him to straight nudies bars and flirted straight women around. At the nudies bar, he always makes sure if the girls are real women and not transexuals as he totally feels disgusted by gay man. From this point, I tried to keep a distance from this couple, refused to hang around with them. But the more I refused, the more this guy followed me. He insisted on me to sleep over at their million dollar house everyday after working hours, invited me over and over to have dinner with him at some fancy restaurants in the city, as his girlfriend has to work longer hours. I just rejected all the invitations quoting being too much stressed at work. Last week I have told him that I will resign from this company to move to another city. He just told me that without me working there, he will also quit the job and followed me to wherever I will be. I do not understand this guy. Actually I also have feeling towards him but what should I tell him now? Should I tell him that I'm gay and crazy in love with him? Should I take the risk of being bashed and disgusted? Please help.

[Will]

This sounds like the plot outline for a gay version of "Basic Instincts," if I have the correct title for the Michael Douglas film in which he was the target of his female boss's predatory attentions. The fact that English seems not to be your native language and that you seem starry-eyed at this man's ostentatious display of wealth and power is curious. I can almost hear the voice-over in a Russian-accented baritone as we watch the scene in the master bedroom -- conveniently provided with a second bed, just in case there's an overnight guest but no free guest-room in the million-dollar mansion -- where the straight couple performs sexual acrobatics before the wondering gaze of the gay friend. By the way, were you supposed to be aroused by this sight? Were you supposed to comment? Join in? Give a helping hand?

 

Based on the information you provide, several possibilities occur to me in response to your questions. First, I seriously doubt that this guy thinks you are straight; if you were, wouldn't he expect you to do what he does? Second, his homophobia has an odd expression. He may talk like a homophobe, but he's either lying or he's too naive to be straight himself. Why would any straight man have to feel up a transgender stripper to tell whether or not she had a dick???? Third, a "straight" guy exhibiting himself (with a woman) in front of his "friend" is one of the oldest self-deceptions on records. Whatever you and he may think of his sexual orientation, I doubt very seriously that Dr. Kinsey would give him a perfect grade on his qualifying exams as a certified heterosexual. To be blunt: this guy is getting off on getting off in front of you.

 

Whether he's in love with you or not is another question. The verbal portrait you draw of him makes me wonder whether he's slowed down long enough to think much about what "love" might mean for him. He seems very, very confused about a whole lot of things surrounding love, so confused that I do not envy anybody who'd fall for him.

 

Finally, yes, of course, a deep friendship is possible between a straight man and a gay man. It's even possible that a deep, erotic friendship can exist between a gay man and a not-quite-fully-straight man who's happily and faithfully married. I know what I'm talking about. In fact, I'm on my way to have lunch with that friend right this minute. We've been sort of in love with each other for something like fifteen years. Whatever desire was there is the first place has settled into a warm tenderness and affection that is one of the great joys of my life.

 

I hope you'll find the same sort of thing some day -- in addition to a real, honest-to-God lover. But the man you describe as your boss doesn't sound to me like a good candidate for either position.

[Guest Merlin]

Very strange. I don't think I have heard anything like it before. If you really like him sexually, and are willing to leave you jobe anyway, I see little downside in letting him know that you are gay. The next time he approaches you with an invitation, I suggest you say something like: "I dont think this is a good idea. I know that you are 100% straight, and could never be friends with a gay man, and frankly, I am gay. So I think it would be better if we had a strictly business relationship." This approach will, hopefully, prevent him from feeling that he has to prove his (alleged) straightness by reacting with hostility to your disclosure. I suspect he will eventually want an intimiate relationship with you of some sort--perhaps not just then, but in few days. If not, hopefully, he will agree to a business only relationship. But, if things get unpleasant, you should be prepared to leave your job.

[guyinsf]

If this scenario is true, I would not suggest confessing your love for him. You are still at a point where you actively pretend to be straight in order to be accepted or in order to be with a straight man to whom you are attracted. I think you need to work on that before you not only come out to straight people but also confess your desire for your straight boss.

 

What you describe sounds like sexual harrassment to me, partiuclarly now that you are clearly saying you don't want to sleep in their house and spend time with them. He is now threatening to stalk you. If you really don't want to move and change jobs, you might want to file an internal complaint to get the harassment to stop. If that doesn't work, you could take it to the next level. If you would just rather leave town, do not tell him where you are going. (Hopefully this isn't such a small company where you have to tell HIM your new address for income tax reporting purposes.)

Sure, there may be some feeling from him towards you, too. Some of that might be erotic. It might be that the only way he can express that is in a hetero context -- you watching him have sex with his wife or perhaps you joining in but only actually having sex with her. Along with those feelings is definitely a desire to control, and in a scary way. Why would you want to become more intimate with a psycho who is threatening to stalk you if you leave?

[Guest Thunderbuns]

Somehow I wonder if this is true or just an imaginary situation. It certainly has all the hallmarks of a fantasy. Would make a good porno flic.

 

However, for the sake of this discussion I will assume it is true.

Makes one think of the old expression, truth is stranger than fiction.

 

How often do you find a couple with a second bed in the master bedroom? Abd what would be the purpose. I guess it would be to turn the bedroom into a voyeur's theatre. How did he word it when he asked you to sleep in the same room as them? Did he give any indication of what he expected your reaction or action to be? Did you try to get involved in the scenario?

 

Shit - there are just too many questions that spring to mind. Are you SURE this is for real? Why don't you just join in and see where it leads to. It would be pretty hard for him to keep his hands off of you if you were plowing his lady. And you could always make a grab for his dick. He would look pretty stupid objecting at that point. Perhaps gay sex is OK with him so long as there is a female also involved.

 

But I don't think we should let the subject drop. Hell there is too much raunch potential to let it go. Come on guys - some imput please.

 

ARE YOU REALLY SURE THIS IS ALL TRUE? HONEST?

 

Thunderbuns

[Guest elwood]

Thunderbuns...your comments and questions are all right on the mark...sounds too much like a fantasy..but wow...if its for real..VERY twisted and yes..sexual harassment.. (wish I could get harassed every so often)

[Guest Slammy]

Well, I'llput my two cents in. It sounds to me like this guy would like to have some three way action but doesn't have the balls to come right out and say it. When I was a student in Mexico City I was picked up in a bar by a very good looking couple who invited me to their beautiful home in a very expensive suburb. We proceeded to get drunk and there was "something for everyone." I am a firm believer that when a human is sexually centered, all sex is good, whether it is with male/female, female/female, male/male. I was told by my psychiatrist when I told him of this adventure that sex is sex and people with strong sex drives and adjusted egos can have sex with either sex. Women are more adept at this than men, and they can swing both ways very easily. But men are worried that their masculinity will be doubted if they get near another guy's dick

 

One of the best relationships I ever had was with a married man who constantly gay bashed, but invited himself to my place one evening and we had the greatest sex, and continued to do so for a few years. He also lavished me with money and gifts because he loved me, and I loved him as much as I was able to love anyone. He never left his wife, and his son, who is my age became my friend by a quirk of business relationships. He loved his father very much and spoke of him always to me, and I never let on that I knew his father.

 

When sex starts to affect our head....the rational part, I think the fun stops. One really has to enjoy it and not analyze it.

[Guest chicagocityboy]

Thank you very much for all your thoughts and advises. You are right, I'm an Asian guy who has been living in the U.S for only a short time. Although I'min my late twenties but look much younger than my age. I'm tall, slim and being called handsome by my co-workers.

 

This is something that has caused me many sleepless nights. Sometimes I am confused about my sexual orientation. I make love to women, but feel attracted to straight men. That's why this boss of mine is just like a fantasy come true. He's Caucasian, good -looking, smart, successful, rich and absolutely straight. He's also my mentor, supporting me a lot during my first days in America. He did mention that we should be friends for life, or even brothers. That's why he shared all of his personal life to me. On my last trip to New York city, he asked me to drop by and visit his parents in Manhattan. The more I'm attracted to him, the more I'm scared to reveal to him that I may be gay. Besides I probably will be forever in my closet as my parents in Singapore will surely die if they know the truth about their only son.

 

Anyway I did get a job offer in another city and ready to leave this Windy City. I will eventually come back to Singapore, get married to a girl selected by my parents and keep in my heart the unforgettable memories of my American boss/friend/dreamlover.

 

It's my destiny when being born this way as I always desire for the unattainable. God bless me!

[Guest SeaGuy]

I guess I'll be the first to disagree with most of the other posters in stating that I do not think that your boss is necessarily gay. My main question to you is, Is you boss also Russian or Slavic? If he is then by no means do his actions mean that he is gay. In most parts of the world it is perfectly acceptable for men to establish very close friendships without translating into something sexual. There is even a rite of the Eastern Orthodox church where men pledge undying friendship to each other and which westerners think is some sort of gay marriage thing, IT ISN'T. In the west men sometimes develop strong bonds during war (see Pearl harbor the movie, though I am by no means recommending it, it is at best a mediocre movie), but these bonds don't seem to arrise in non-war time as even friends are expected to be "competitive" and not "supportive" or "loving" which would make then "gay". My guess is your friend is a fellow Russian or Slav who simply feels close to you and sees you as a younger brother if you will. This is probably further enhanced by the fact that he doesn't know that you are gay. When and if he finds out it will put some psychological and emotional distance between you which from the sound of it you do not want to happen, so you're caught in the common double bind that gay men find themselves in of "do I tell this guy I'm gay and risk ruining our intimate friendship?" That's obviously a decision you'll have to make for youself. Good luck. It a tough situation to be in.

[Guest SeaGuy]

I just read the last post so forget everything I wrote.

[guyinsf]

I don't want to be culturally insensitive, and I know that there is a lot of social pressure in many Asian countries to live a life your parents endorse, but don't think that that pressure doesn't exist in the U.S. as well. At your age I also had peers (working class white boys) tell me that they could never come out because "it would kill my parents." Some of them are still closeted, but of those who came out I did not hear reports of immediate cardiac arrest. I think this reaction is just evidence of the power of homophobia -- so powerful that it's easy to internalize it and live under its force. It's also a bit narcissistic to believe that your sexuality will determine your parents life or death. I'm not saying your parents would like you being gay or even accept it -- maybe they would disown you. I've known gay men in the U.S. whose families totally rejected them when they came out. They were still able to survive.

 

Obviously what you choose to reveal and how you choose to live is entirely your business. I just wanted to add my two cents about how common your thoughts, fears and concerns. You might want to check out what gay culture exists when you return home. The reality might not be as awful as the cultural myth.

[Guest soccerstud]

None of us has the right to suggest to you what to do. But you can learn from all of our collective experiences.

 

Run--don't walk--to your nearest video store and rent the movie "The Wedding Feast." (I think that was the title. If not, someone help me out.) Asian gay man comes to the US; falls in love with an American gay man; his Asian parents come to visit and he thinks he has to be straight to please them; they eventually find out their son is gay and accept him and his lover. Wonderful, funny and evocative.

 

A lot of people on this Message Center have told the stories of how they tried to be straight to please someone else and, in the process, ruined--or at least very negatively affected--their own life. One word of advice for you to accept or reject--you've only got one life; live it fully and honestly and love who you want.

[Guest chubsksesc]

Is anybody, ANYBODY here going to say anything to this young man about the professional dangers of discussing intimate, sexual fantasies with your bosses wife and/or your boss's wife and boss at the same time? Is anyone going to talk about the very inappropriate position he puts himself in by sleeping in the same bedroom with his boss AND his wife???

 

Guys, I know this site is sex driven, granted. But surely you can see that this young, naive new comer to the American Corporate world could use some friendly advise about what lines should not be crossed.

 

If this scenario is in fact true, and I agree with other posters that it sounds like a screen writer or author fishing for an ending to a story line, then this young man should be advised that you never cross those lines in a professional relationship, even if you are invited to do so.

 

It is very unlikely that this will have any kind of happy ending and I can't help but feel that some of you are egging this guy on as sort of a sexual science experiment just to see how it plays out.

 

I know you all know better than to suggest that he hit on a clearly rich and powerful boss who could very likely have "Black listing" power within the industry this kid came over to our country to work in. Especially after hearing about the Gay bashing this guy does. How many men out there are closet gays who hate gays??? This kid could find himself in a heap of trouble.

 

Unfortunately, much of the damage has already been done. No one should feel they have to leave a city because of a bosses advances. And as far as him filing charges or threatening to do so are concerned, it is a rich, powerful white boss's word against an Asian immigrant who just arrived in this country, who likely has few character witnesses here. Now who do you think is going to win that battle????

 

My advice to this young man is to diplomatically cut your ties with this man and his wife. Resign only after you have found another position and go on with your life. You do not need a man who is married and has all kinds of issues about homosexuality. You need someone who is available and comfortable with who he is and his feelings towards you.

 

To the rest of you, shame on you.

[bluenix]

>Run--don't walk--to your nearest video store and rent the

>movie "The Wedding Feast." (I think that was the title. If

>not, someone help me out.)

 

Ah, good call.

 

"The Wedding Banquet" (1993) was Ang Lee's Northanger Abbey, I guess.

[guyinsf]

We're all hanging our heads in shame now. Gee, I had just gotten over being ashamed for loving cock so much...

[Guest chicagocityboy]

I'M STRONG ENOUGH!!!

 

Thank you everybody for sharing with me all your thoughts. It's been more than a week and I'm feeling that I'm strong enough to cope with my situation. I have said No to all the invitations from my boss to join him dinner or sleep over at his house. At first, it's really hard for me to resist his walking steps towards my cubible at the end of day or say No to that sexy voice, but I could do that. Definitely No to all his calls.

 

If he can have a sexy and beautiful girl friend, I can have it, too. A very hot female co-worker of mine had a crush on me and I have accepted to go out for dinner with her yesterday. Sorry to be explicit here, but what's the difference between a mouth that sucks your dick that comes from a man or a woman? You are right. We all have only one life to live, why wasting time to torture yourself while you can be happy otherwise.

 

I have decided not to quit job as I don't want to be a loser. Last night I could see how my boss' face turned pale when he saw me and my woman passing by his office. I just can't play the game no more. Now it's the time to move ahead and enjoy life in a simple way instead of complicating my self with this crazy situation.

 

Don't you all think this is weird??? Please give some thoughts. Thank you very much.

[bluenix]

My Cat Is Sick of Your Troll

 

>Please give some thoughts. Thank you very much.

 

One thought would be for you to give this troll a rest. But you did get some responses, so I'll give you a 2.5/10.

 

BTW, here's my cat's reaction to your bump.

 

http://www.ezshots.com/members/blueman/images/blueman-5.jpg