Nightmare Masturbation Stories

[Guest BenDover]

Are any of you familiar with Dan Savage, the sex columnist whose column is called Savage Love. He's a mix between Dear Abby, Dr. Ruth, Camille Paglia and Marat Sade. He had the funniest column last week and I thought it might be interesting to hear others' stories. He asked readers to send in their nightmare masturbation stories. Last week, the stories were from women, the week before from men and next week will be the best of both. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find the men's column (still searching). One woman wrote, and I'm paraphrasing...

 

When she was very young, 4-5 years old, Mickey Mouse was her favorite character. Everything she possessed was Mickey-themed. For Christmas, someone gave her an electric Mickey Mouse toothbrush. She absolutely treasured it. One day, it disappeared, and she was heart-broken. She told her mother who suggested that one of her little friends must have taken it.

 

Months went by, and she eventually recovered from her grief and loss. She awakened early one Saturday morning, and because she was so little, she couldn't fix her own breakfast, and she was hungry. She went bounding into her mother's bedroom, where she saw her mother laying on her side, her back turned toward her. She quickly became concerned, because she could hear her mother groaning and thought she was in pain. She leaped onto the bed and her mother, and yep, there it was... a busy little Mickey between Mama's thighs.

 

I laughed until I was nearly ill. And then I shuddered at my own masturbation nightmare.

 

About 15 years ago, I was visiting a friend in Chicago who lived on the 36th floor of an apartment building. He was one of the first people I knew who owned a VCR and had a sizeable porno collection. I couldn't wait for him to go to work so I could spend the day checking out his porno, which up until that time I had paid thousands of quarters to see in the peeps. I decided to really make a day of it. I lined all the tapes up on the floor in the order of interest, got out a pipe and a little weed, put towels near-by, got out the lube and other accoutrement, stripped naked and proceeded to "pleasure myself," watching the likes of Leo Ford and Jim Bentley play hide the salami.

 

About an hour into it, I got that horrible feeling that I was not alone in the room. I quickly turned off the television, and there, reflected in the darkened screen, was a window washer inches behind me sqeegying away, smirking. I did a beeline for the bathroom, staying there for about an hour and a half. Don't know how long it took him to wash that window.

 

So, you guys got any "nightmare" stories?

[Guest cmp]

Thanks for your beautiful story! Can't wait to read the other contributions.

 

I had no problem finding the previous week's column on theonion.com . There is a link there on the AV Club page to the previous week's AV Club.

[Guest Kevin 2]

LMAO.. The window washer story was hilarious! Was he a cute guy?? I would've given him a show (or perhaps the appartment #) of course if he was ugly, I would have ran also. LOL

PS..I cant think of any stories to pass along. I guess I was VERY good at NOT getting caught! }>

[phage]

I know I can’t be the only guy who was caught by his mother when she came bursting into the room to put something away. However, I might be one of the few who had her say, “For Christ’s sake, go do that in the bathroom like a normal guy!” I had no idea that was the “normal” location for such activity and became fascinated every time my older brother spent extended periods of time in the bathroom with the door locked. (Hey…I was young…he had pubic hair…enough said.)