Being Sugar Daddy-101

[Guest Alexander]

I've found this great escort, been with him numerous times and want to "keep" him. I am willing to provide him with more than what he gets annually including an apartment in the city (NYC). But questions linger in my mind:

1. How to give him sufficient freedom so that he won't get stiffled, but without me feeling left out while financially supporting him.

2. How to have both of us have our own private lives. I have my own family and set of friends who don't know I hire escorts.

3. How to tell him that, unfortunately, he will also be excluded from my public life.

4. What to do if the fire in me for him is not there anymore. This is with the assumption that everything right now is purely physical.

5. How to avoid palimony and acrimoneous relationships in case I decide to extinguish the relationship; or vice versa.

 

Any person in the group -- clients or escorts -- been in this situation?

[Guest Alexander]

I've found this great escort, been with him numerous times and want to "keep" him. I am willing to provide him with more than what he gets annually including an apartment in the city (NYC). But questions linger in my mind:

1. How to give him sufficient freedom so that he won't get stiffled, but without me feeling left out while financially supporting him.

2. How to have both of us have our own private lives. I have my own family and set of friends who don't know I hire escorts.

3. How to tell him that, unfortunately, he will also be excluded from my public life.

4. What to do if the fire in me for him is not there anymore. This is with the assumption that everything right now is purely physical.

5. How to avoid palimony and acrimoneous relationships in case I decide to extinguish the relationship; or vice versa.

 

Any person in the group -- clients or escorts -- been in this situation?

[Guest jc92103]

Have been in this situation twice. Both times it failed and failed quickly. The primary problem was the separation in generations. My idea of a good time was vastly different from a 20-year-old guy’s idea of a good time. We liked different television shows, movies, cars...you name it. My friends and their friends had nothing in common. The thrill of the sexual encounter ends after a few times, you are then left with...?? A cute boy who gets on your nerves. I currently have two regulars’ escorts. One 19 and the other 22. I pay each $500 per week to make themselves available to me. I speak to each of them on a regular basis but may only have sex with them once or twice a month. We entered into a very precise contract. Mainly, they live their own lives with their own friends. They pursue their own interests as do I. When I desire their company they are there for me and fully understand my needs. The three of us will go on short trips from time to time and always have great fun together. I am free to live my own life as I choose, without the burden of a " houseboy " and all of the issues that they bring along. I don’t know what my “ boyfriend’s” spend their money on and I don’t care, it’s their money. If they lived with me I would be forever lecturing on the spoils of shopping and wasteful spending. If they lived with me I would constantly nagging about not letting the cats out and picking up after themselves. The earlier boys in my “daddy” life were wonderful and I have fond memories of them. However, I also have bitter memories of the baggage that came with those relationships. That is my opinion, I know most of the regulars on this board don’t care for my opinions much, but this topic is very near and dear to my heart. Good luck!

[Guest alanm]

Nice Fastasy

 

Nice Fantasy, but how about spending a little time thinking

about where the escort is coming from and not just your needs.

What does it say about you and your friendships that you can't

tell any "friend" about keeping the escort? On top of that, he's

also going to be excluded from your public life! Your posting is

all about "me," "me," "me." No escort with any quality or self respect would agree to an arrangement like this unless you are paying big bucks. And even the big bucks will pale after awhile.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you should forget the whole idea. Are

you aware that escorts are actually people with real feeling,

wants and desires?

[Guest jc92103]

Have been in this situation twice. Both times it failed and failed quickly. The primary problem was the separation in generations. My idea of a good time was vastly different from a 20-year-old guy’s idea of a good time. We liked different television shows, movies, cars...you name it. My friends and their friends had nothing in common. The thrill of the sexual encounter ends after a few times, you are then left with...?? A cute boy who gets on your nerves. I currently have two regulars’ escorts. One 19 and the other 22. I pay each $500 per week to make themselves available to me. I speak to each of them on a regular basis but may only have sex with them once or twice a month. We entered into a very precise contract. Mainly, they live their own lives with their own friends. They pursue their own interests as do I. When I desire their company they are there for me and fully understand my needs. The three of us will go on short trips from time to time and always have great fun together. I am free to live my own life as I choose, without the burden of a " houseboy " and all of the issues that they bring along. I don’t know what my “ boyfriend’s” spend their money on and I don’t care, it’s their money. If they lived with me I would be forever lecturing on the spoils of shopping and wasteful spending. If they lived with me I would constantly nagging about not letting the cats out and picking up after themselves. The earlier boys in my “daddy” life were wonderful and I have fond memories of them. However, I also have bitter memories of the baggage that came with those relationships. That is my opinion, I know most of the regulars on this board don’t care for my opinions much, but this topic is very near and dear to my heart. Good luck!

[Guest alanm]

Nice Fastasy

 

Nice Fantasy, but how about spending a little time thinking

about where the escort is coming from and not just your needs.

What does it say about you and your friendships that you can't

tell any "friend" about keeping the escort? On top of that, he's

also going to be excluded from your public life! Your posting is

all about "me," "me," "me." No escort with any quality or self respect would agree to an arrangement like this unless you are paying big bucks. And even the big bucks will pale after awhile.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you should forget the whole idea. Are

you aware that escorts are actually people with real feeling,

wants and desires?

[Michael]

The answer to all of your 5 questions is very simple:

 

Continue to hire this guy as an escort, one session at a time,

for as long as you (and he) both want to.

 

This will:

 

1 - allow him sufficient freedom and won't have you feeling

"left out" while financially supporting him because you

won't be (or at least won't be the only person) finacially

supporting him.

 

2 - let both of you keep your own private lives

 

3 - avoid the need to explain to him that he will be

excluded from your inner circle of friends

 

4 - make it a lot easier to stop seeing him if you

decide that's what you wnat to do

 

5 - avoid any chance of a palimony suit

 

If that doesn't work for you then there is something that

you aren't telling us, and you need to ask yourself the

question "why am I doing this?" and answer it completely

honestly.

 

I think there may be a clue in your statement that you

'want to "keep" him' ... ask yourself *why* you want

to do this - if it's just for the thrill of 'having a

"kept boy"' somewhere, then by all means go ahead and

do it - but don't get emotionally involved or you *will*

get hurt.

[Michael]

The answer to all of your 5 questions is very simple:

 

Continue to hire this guy as an escort, one session at a time,

for as long as you (and he) both want to.

 

This will:

 

1 - allow him sufficient freedom and won't have you feeling

"left out" while financially supporting him because you

won't be (or at least won't be the only person) finacially

supporting him.

 

2 - let both of you keep your own private lives

 

3 - avoid the need to explain to him that he will be

excluded from your inner circle of friends

 

4 - make it a lot easier to stop seeing him if you

decide that's what you wnat to do

 

5 - avoid any chance of a palimony suit

 

If that doesn't work for you then there is something that

you aren't telling us, and you need to ask yourself the

question "why am I doing this?" and answer it completely

honestly.

 

I think there may be a clue in your statement that you

'want to "keep" him' ... ask yourself *why* you want

to do this - if it's just for the thrill of 'having a

"kept boy"' somewhere, then by all means go ahead and

do it - but don't get emotionally involved or you *will*

get hurt.

[Guest regulation]

I'm with Michael. Based on my experience it really isn't worth the trouble and expense. Any escort worth his salt is glad to have a repeat client who always pays up and never causes any problems, and he will always try to accommodate such a client, so it shouldn't be necessary to "keep" the escort in order to know that he will usually be available when you want him. If you want to guarantee that he will always give your appointments priority over any others, you should be able to arrange this by paying a bit extra. You may be thinking that if you "keep" him he will keep himself for you exclusively, but unless you put him under surveillance there is no way you can know that you are getting what you are paying for in that regard.

[Guest regulation]

I'm with Michael. Based on my experience it really isn't worth the trouble and expense. Any escort worth his salt is glad to have a repeat client who always pays up and never causes any problems, and he will always try to accommodate such a client, so it shouldn't be necessary to "keep" the escort in order to know that he will usually be available when you want him. If you want to guarantee that he will always give your appointments priority over any others, you should be able to arrange this by paying a bit extra. You may be thinking that if you "keep" him he will keep himself for you exclusively, but unless you put him under surveillance there is no way you can know that you are getting what you are paying for in that regard.

[guyinsf]

I haven't been in this situation. There is an escort I'd like to "keep" but don't have the resources to...even if he were interested and willing. I would, however, want to make him much more involved in my life if we did develop that kind of relationship.

 

Rather than attempt to judge what you want, I'll just give this advice: Have a conversation with the escort in question. Tell him what you would like and ASK him what he would like. If there seems to be enough of an overlap, see if you can work out an agreement with him.

 

I'm not a lawyer so I can't give advice about avoiding a potential future "palimony" suit. It seems to me that having some sort of written "pre-commitment agreement" might be advisable, but then again, you're not really talking about a commitment, you're talking about having an escort on retainer, so to speak. I'm not sure you or he would really want something like that in writing.

 

As someone else suggested, maybe you should just keep hiring the guy on a one-shot basis, as often as you and he want, without the added complication of "keeping" him.

[guyinsf]

I haven't been in this situation. There is an escort I'd like to "keep" but don't have the resources to...even if he were interested and willing. I would, however, want to make him much more involved in my life if we did develop that kind of relationship.

 

Rather than attempt to judge what you want, I'll just give this advice: Have a conversation with the escort in question. Tell him what you would like and ASK him what he would like. If there seems to be enough of an overlap, see if you can work out an agreement with him.

 

I'm not a lawyer so I can't give advice about avoiding a potential future "palimony" suit. It seems to me that having some sort of written "pre-commitment agreement" might be advisable, but then again, you're not really talking about a commitment, you're talking about having an escort on retainer, so to speak. I'm not sure you or he would really want something like that in writing.

 

As someone else suggested, maybe you should just keep hiring the guy on a one-shot basis, as often as you and he want, without the added complication of "keeping" him.

[Guest BenDover]

I have had an arrangement with a great guy for the last year and a half. When I first met him, I told him I was looking for someone I could get to know and who would get to know me and my needs, desires, fantasies etc. I also told him I was "auditioning" various escorts for the position. After hiring three other guys, I went back to the guy I'm currently engaged with, and we discussed what might happen.

 

We decided to just let things ride for a while, and that we would go from session to session with no commitment beyond that until we both had a sense of each other and how compatible we were. After about a half dozen sessions together, we travelled on a week-long road trip together. It went well, even with the few disagreements or differences we had. I was impressed that we could "fight" and then get over it.

 

We also discussed the arrangement as "business." We made a very clear distinction between business and friendship, and that the two were quite separate.

 

This fellow is on the verge of some major changes in his life (just completed his second film for Titan Media), and is currently producing his first CD of music. He is very motivated, aggressive in attaining his goals, and knows that I am going to help him in any way I can. Any "business" arrangements beyond our roles of escort/client are done on top of the table with documentation and papers. He has re-paid every penny I've invested in his future endeavors.

 

Through this period of time, I truly believe that we have come to respect and enjoy each others company. And unless he is a tremendous actor, I feel his feelings of respect and friendship for me are genuine. I feel as though this is a good relationship for both of us. We meet for intimacy 2-3 times a month, usually for overnights, talk on the phone together almost daily, meet for lunch or dinner on occasion, see a movie or ballgame together once and awhile and generally meet once or twice a week to discuss his business plan and career goals beyond escorting. These contacts are mutually initiated.

 

I know that the sexual side of this relationship will probably end in the next year or so because I know what his goals are, and they do not include escorting. I am fine with that, although I will miss his mighty technique! And unless I have completely lost my head/heart, I believe that on some level, I will be involved in this guys life beyond escorting.

 

The most important aspect of this relationship has been our completely frank discussions about the difference between "business and friendship." Without that, I don't think that either of us would be satisfied.

[Guest BenDover]

I have had an arrangement with a great guy for the last year and a half. When I first met him, I told him I was looking for someone I could get to know and who would get to know me and my needs, desires, fantasies etc. I also told him I was "auditioning" various escorts for the position. After hiring three other guys, I went back to the guy I'm currently engaged with, and we discussed what might happen.

 

We decided to just let things ride for a while, and that we would go from session to session with no commitment beyond that until we both had a sense of each other and how compatible we were. After about a half dozen sessions together, we travelled on a week-long road trip together. It went well, even with the few disagreements or differences we had. I was impressed that we could "fight" and then get over it.

 

We also discussed the arrangement as "business." We made a very clear distinction between business and friendship, and that the two were quite separate.

 

This fellow is on the verge of some major changes in his life (just completed his second film for Titan Media), and is currently producing his first CD of music. He is very motivated, aggressive in attaining his goals, and knows that I am going to help him in any way I can. Any "business" arrangements beyond our roles of escort/client are done on top of the table with documentation and papers. He has re-paid every penny I've invested in his future endeavors.

 

Through this period of time, I truly believe that we have come to respect and enjoy each others company. And unless he is a tremendous actor, I feel his feelings of respect and friendship for me are genuine. I feel as though this is a good relationship for both of us. We meet for intimacy 2-3 times a month, usually for overnights, talk on the phone together almost daily, meet for lunch or dinner on occasion, see a movie or ballgame together once and awhile and generally meet once or twice a week to discuss his business plan and career goals beyond escorting. These contacts are mutually initiated.

 

I know that the sexual side of this relationship will probably end in the next year or so because I know what his goals are, and they do not include escorting. I am fine with that, although I will miss his mighty technique! And unless I have completely lost my head/heart, I believe that on some level, I will be involved in this guys life beyond escorting.

 

The most important aspect of this relationship has been our completely frank discussions about the difference between "business and friendship." Without that, I don't think that either of us would be satisfied.

[Guest DCescortBOY]

where do i submit my application to be his replacement when leaves escorting? (kidding!)

[Guest DCescortBOY]

where do i submit my application to be his replacement when leaves escorting? (kidding!)

[Guest cp8036]

<3. How to tell him that, unfortunately, he will also be excluded from my public life.

4. What to do if the fire in me for him is not there anymore. This is with the assumption that everything right now is purely physical.

5. How to avoid palimony and acrimoneous relationships in case I decide to extinguish the relationship; or vice versa.>

 

 

Somehow I don't think will be a problem about your public life. Tell him he cannot accompany you this evening to the Lawrence Welk Black Tie Memorial Dance, so instead he will need to hang with his buddies in Weho for dancing.

 

If stop paying, I am sure he will not want to continue, and severing the relationship will be easy.

[Guest cp8036]

<3. How to tell him that, unfortunately, he will also be excluded from my public life.

4. What to do if the fire in me for him is not there anymore. This is with the assumption that everything right now is purely physical.

5. How to avoid palimony and acrimoneous relationships in case I decide to extinguish the relationship; or vice versa.>

 

 

Somehow I don't think will be a problem about your public life. Tell him he cannot accompany you this evening to the Lawrence Welk Black Tie Memorial Dance, so instead he will need to hang with his buddies in Weho for dancing.

 

If stop paying, I am sure he will not want to continue, and severing the relationship will be easy.

[NY Observer]

I think Michael's advise is right on the head. Almost all of the situations where there is exclusivity of that nature result in disappointment. It's not like he is going to become your boyfriend just because of this arrangement, there is a lot more involved in that than just the financial arrangement.

 

By hiring him on a regular basis, you probably get good availability and perhaps if you work with him you can get some sort of frequent flier discount. I'm sure you treat him well, it doesn't sound like money is the issue here. I feel that when there is a situation of owner and possession, it can only result in failure. If the owner tires of his new toy, there is bound to be problem. If the possession grows tired of the situation, there is bound to be heartbreak.

 

If you've found a guy you like so much that you want to do this, that's great. Go with it, treat him well (but not as an object) and enjoy your time with him. But don't put yourself in a position where when it is over that you'll be a wreck. I don't think it's realistic to assume that these types of "relationships" are long term.

 

Good luck! Hope things work out.

[NY Observer]

I think Michael's advise is right on the head. Almost all of the situations where there is exclusivity of that nature result in disappointment. It's not like he is going to become your boyfriend just because of this arrangement, there is a lot more involved in that than just the financial arrangement.

 

By hiring him on a regular basis, you probably get good availability and perhaps if you work with him you can get some sort of frequent flier discount. I'm sure you treat him well, it doesn't sound like money is the issue here. I feel that when there is a situation of owner and possession, it can only result in failure. If the owner tires of his new toy, there is bound to be problem. If the possession grows tired of the situation, there is bound to be heartbreak.

 

If you've found a guy you like so much that you want to do this, that's great. Go with it, treat him well (but not as an object) and enjoy your time with him. But don't put yourself in a position where when it is over that you'll be a wreck. I don't think it's realistic to assume that these types of "relationships" are long term.

 

Good luck! Hope things work out.