How would you handle this situation

[Bastian]

>Come to Philly honey and I'll take you to a concert

 

Sounds great to me; I'd love to dust off my listening ears and accompany you. Only I hope they've fixed the air conditioning at the Center. Last time I think I was in danger of losing an extremity from frostbite, although it could have been the sprechstimme piece putting my limbs to sleep. ;-)

 

>You're in luck, RB...Bastian's Philly-based and he's more cultured than yogurt!

 

Hm, yogurt: Smooth, creamy, slides easily down your throat...

Bastian: ...(ahem)

 

You know me so well. :9

 

B

[Guest Ant415]

The guy is worthless, you are better off crossing him off your list.

 

It was very insulting to suggest a $50 discount. While the cost of a freebie is probably equal or close to the lost concert tickets, why take a freebie from him. With that much disrespect, I cannot see how anyone would consider seeing the guy again.

[Guest Everett]

I agree that there is something else going on here. You say that he did not return messages, claiming cellphone problems. When did this begin, only recently?

 

It's clear that he doesn't care about your feelings, and I agree you shouldn't weaken and see him again. First he stands you up for the concert and that appointment. Then he stands you up a second time for a subsequent appointment you've made for after the concert. And he only calls back after all this when you tell him the professional relationship is over. As I said, there's something else to all this. At that point I'd be so upset and angry that I would not have asked for a freebie, and I would have been even more insulted by the $50 discount offer. And then you hear explanations about why this all happened that are contradictory. I would have told him that until you want to be honnest with me about what really happened, I don't want to get together with you at all.

 

I understand your desire to keep some sort of continued contact with him. You say the chemistry was very good, and you were there for each other when you each faced difficult times. He also looked to you for advice. When you have feelings for someone (and after four years you're bound to have feelings for the guy), it may be easier to see what you should do logically than it is to actually carry it out. It doesn't do you any good to brush over what has happened and give him another chance if he's not being truthful about why he's treated you (a supposed friend) this way.

 

Also, how do people not know he escorts, yet he's on an escort website? And this takes place in Philadelphia, which you say is a large small town in many ways. Just curious.

[RittenhouseBob]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful and honest feedback to my situation and dilemma.

 

I have been as honest on stating the facts as I saw them as I could be. I know there are more than two sides to every story, but what I posted is my story and I am sticking to it.

 

A few closing clarifications. The escort definately initiated the request for me to take him to our new concert hall. Before he left that night we set a date. The only classical composer he had heard about was Rachmaninoff. We got on the computer and low and behold there was a Rachmaninoff concert at Verizon Hall. I told him I would try to get tickets for that date and call him. He said he would hold the date on his calendar and wrote it down before he left. There was no confusion and I might add no initiation of this on my part. He made it clear that if I wanted him to spend some time with him after the concert it would be at his usual rate.

 

As everyone has said, there are plenty of other fish in the sea - even in Philadelphia. So instead of being Captain Ahab chasing that one great fish (I know a whale is a mammal but it doesn't work here)I will continue to sample the local fare.

 

Thanks again

 

RB

 

PS His photo is no longer on the website

[Guest lipstick]

>I also always thought from different signals given over the

>years that he was obsessed and driven by money.

>

>It was clear that he thought of me as a client but also

>confused me by some of his other actions mentioned above.

>

 

Hey Bob,

 

Well, we really do have a bit of more info to go on now! I've always thought that the escort/client relationship issue can sometimes be really problematic 'cause they tend to sometimes look and "feel" so much like a "regular" relationship, and it's unfortunate that feelings get hurt in the process when things break down a bit and the "So this is where we stand!" comes roaring out!!!!

 

I have had some of these feelings myself with an escort whom I had seen exclusively over the past year and a half. In my case, the escort has been really supportive and has helped me to allow myself to step back a bit and really question what it is that I want out of our commercial realtionship, and more importantly, what I want out of my OWN life as a Gay guy.

 

That said, I think there are folks who are completely driven by money, and these folks take whatever advantage or opportunity that comes along, and this does include smooth-talking escort guys. It sounds as though your relationship with this guy may have always been a shaky one from the start. This is probably more common that folks would like to admit. You indicated that your 'scort would take pains to remind you that this was always to be a professional relationship; that tells me he wanted distinct boundaries set so there would be no mis-understanding. That is all fine and dandy.

 

What is fascinating to me here is that HE crossed the same boundary that he himself set when the both of you comforted each other during some hard times!!!

 

And I don't blame anyone for sometimes doing that. It says something about YOU that he felt comfortable in doing that with you in a time of crisis or need. Folks sometimes reach out to others because they sense they can trust them, or they feel that they can benefit by someone's counsel, even though both parties AIN'T SUPPOSED to be doing that. But folks are human, and who can blame each other when they are troubled and need to reach out?

 

But even with that, your 'scort guy never has seemed to have learned from the experience or to have become truly appreciative of your common bond. That says something about HIM and his lack of development, both as a friend AND AS A PROFESSIONAL ESCORT!!!!

 

I would only venture to guess and give him the reasonable doubt that his failure to show you common courtesy is maybe a result of his awareness that he DOES KNOW that he has treated you unprofessionally as a client and maybe even as a friend.....? In my experience, folks can be extremely inconsistent when they are confused as hell and don't know how to respond, and the easiest thing to do is NOTHING, or just avoid the situation. (That may explain why he only responds when the issue of money comes up, 'cause as you say, he's a bit ossessed with that....and money gets that Palovian response out of him.)

 

Again, this is all pure conjecture on my part.

 

But Bob, let me also offer this. 'Cause I've been through some of this stuff myself. Only you can know this: Do you want to salvage even a bit of this former relationship with him as a "friend", though he may not want to admit to that. I DO think that the client/'scort relationship is over for the betterment of both of you, 'cause he's not a complete professional, and you may have some residual feelings for him that go beyond the business arrangement. You can cut him loose completely, or you two can still be friends of some sort. I know that as I get older, my experiences with folks seem to have more meaning for me, good and bad. I think both of you can learn from this experience, 'cause you know what: These same issues can still come up with another escort if one or both parties haven't learned, accepted, or understood the meaning of a previous relationship and those dynamics.

 

Of course, if either party tends to fall into the same trap, then it's best just to cut loose, but we only go around once in this life and it sometimes feels better to make amends or come to some sort of mutual acceptance of some sort, even if it's just to get to the point when both parties can say: "Yes, I understand how it is with us; let's move on." Or even: "Thanks for the time together; good luck to you."

 

Anyway, just some thoughts, 'cause this sex for hire stuff get really COMPLICATED somethimes!! And you know what? In sex for hire, money is not the true problem.....Honesty is.

 

Good luck to you.

 

[Gigiloz4me]

>

>He offered to make it up to me and I asked how. He

>suggested a $50 discount. I told him the offer insulted me.

>He asked what he could do to make it up to me since we had

>been seeing each other for a long time and he considered me

>a friend. I told him that since I was stuck for $200 in

>concert tickets I wanted a freebie. He said he could not do

>that. I told him to call me when he could.

>

>Was I unreasonable? How would you handle a long time client

>in this situation?

>

>

I can't believe how much text this question generated. First of all, I wouldn't be the least bit interested in how 'any escort' would handle the situation. You compromised your personal integrity when once he insulted you with a $50 discount and you didn't stick to your guns and cut him loose. Sounds like your escort turned hustler.

[Guest Joey Ciccone]

The escort in question sounds like a real jerk. Forget about him.

[Guest dstud4hire]

KNowing the history as you described it....(numerous messages, a definite yes, confirmation, etc etc etc) and then he blows you off with contradictory reasons, really makes me boil...1st of all , it reflects badly on those of us who wouldn't do that to a client, and furthermore, I just had a potential date with a guy do that to me.....which feels awful. In his case, he wanted to make it up to me and I didn't give him the chance....

 

now, back to your original question...how would we handle it as an escort....again, knowing your history with him for 4 years and if his words ring true that he considered you a friend, I would have offered to reimburse you for the tickets, and offer also spend a nice evening with you, gratis....

 

yikes, offering you a $50.00....hmmmm, if you have known him for 4 yrs, and he hasn't pulled that type of a stunt before, have you considered that maybe something personal was going on that he is not willing to share, so instead, told some stories.....cause after pulling that type of a stunt with a regular client , and then adding insult to injury, offering you a $50.00 discount...that's just bizarre behavior, or you misjudged him all this time, and he's just very rude, in which case, you're probably better off finding another hottie....

 

 

hmmm, this is my 250th post, yikes! That's a lot of late night posts!