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A new disease threat

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The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning

about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted

disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous

and high risk behavior. The disease is called

Gonorrhea lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been

screwed for the past 4 years, and in spite of having

taken measures to protect themselves from this

especially virulent disease. Cognitive sequellae of

individuals infected with Gonorrhea lecthim include,

but are not limited to: Anti-social personality

disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct

messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English

language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to

incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia;

inability to accept responsibility for actions;

exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced

bravado; ignorance of geography and history;

tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;

and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or

nothing behavior.

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