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Pierce Bush, 1986-2004*

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The 18-year old nephew Of President George W. Bush became the 1000th U.S. soldier to die in Iraq today when his combat unit was attacked near Baghdad. The cherubic Alfred E. Neuman look-alike had volunteered to serve upon reaching his majority, joining his uncle in a long tradition of family military service.


President Bush immediately volunteered Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice-President Dick Cheney, to take Pierce's place. Bush declared: "We want lesbians and gay men to have the same right to die for their country that my relatives have!"


* Not a likely story!

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