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My fellow Americans


BewareofNick
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Dear fellow Americans,

 

I wanted to give you an update on all of my accomplishments so far as President:

 

I attacked and took over 2 countries.

 

I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury.

 

I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not

easy!).

 

I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12

month period.

 

I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock

market.

 

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

 

In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on

vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did).

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over

the worst security failure in US history.

 

I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any president in

US history.

 

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

 

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other

president in US history.

 

I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month

period.

 

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any

president in US history.

 

I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president, since

the advent of TV.

 

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history.

 

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to

intervene when corruption was revealed.

 

I cut health care benefits for war veterans.

 

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take

to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for

protest against any person in the history of mankind.

 

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.

 

I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US

history.

 

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.

(The poorest multimillionaire, ! Condoloma Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker

named after her.)

 

I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union

simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy.

 

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in

any country in the history of the world.

 

I am the first president in US history to order a US attack AND military

occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the

United Nations and the vast majority of the international community.

 

I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States, called the "Bureau of Homeland Security"(only one letter away from BS).

 

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,

more than any other president in US history (Ronnie was tough to beat, but I

did it!!).

 

I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations remove

the US from the Human Rights Commission.

 

I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove

the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.

 

I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of

congressional oversight than any presidentia! l administration in US history

 

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew from the World

Court of Law.

 

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoner! s of war and by default

no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

 

I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election

inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.

 

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign

donations.

 

The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best

friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in

world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

 

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US

history.

 

I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

 

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

 

I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year

made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest

diplomatic failure in US and world history).

 

I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of

Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

stability.

 

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government

contracts.

 

I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who

violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations

bidding for gov't contracts.

 

I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any

other president in US! history.

 

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than

two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

 

RECORDS AND REFERENCES: I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

 

I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of

war.

 

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

(wink,wink)

 

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

 

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt

companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

 

All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the

board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for! public view.

 

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public

energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

 

 

With much love,

 

President George W. Bush

 

(not sure where this came from but saw it over on ATKOL and loved it)

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