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Bush's Resume

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I received this via e-mail today. Enjoy.




This individual seeks an excutive position. He will be available next

January, and is willing to relocate. Could you in clear conscious hire

him for any job?






>>>> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue


>>>> Washington, DC 20520




>>>> Law Enforcement:


>>>> I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for

>>>> driving under the

>>>> influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine,

>>>> and had my driver's

>>>> license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving

>>>> record has been "lost"

>>>> and is not available.


>>>> Military:


>>>> I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.

>>>> I refused to take

>>>> a drug test or answer any questions about my drug

>>>> use. By joining the

>>>> Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat

>>>> duty in Vietnam.


>>>> College:


>>>> I graduated from Yale University with a low C

>>>> average. I was a

>>>> cheerleader.




>>>> I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career

>>>> in the oil business

>>>> in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company,

>>>> but couldn't find

>>>> any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly

>>>> after I sold all my

>>>> stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a

>>>> sweetheart deal

>>>> that took land using taxpayer money. With the help

>>>> of my father and our

>>>> friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken

>>>> Lay), I was

>>>> elected governor of Texas.




>>>> - I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and

>>>> oil companies,

>>>> making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

>>>> During my tenure,

>>>> Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden

>>>> city in America.


>>>> - I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to

>>>> the tune of billions

>>>> in borrowed money.


>>>> - I set the record for the most executions by any

>>>> governor in American

>>>> history.


>>>> - With the help of my brother, the governor of

>>>> Florida, and my father's

>>>> appointments to the Supreme Court, I became

>>>> President after losing by

>>>> over 500,000 votes.




>>>> - I am the first President in U.S. history to enter

>>>> office with a

>>>> criminal record.


>>>> - I invaded and occupied two countries at a

>>>> continuing cost of over one

>>>> billion dollars per week.


>>>> - I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively

>>>> bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.


>>>> - I shattered the record for the largest annual

>>>> deficit in U.S. history.


>>>> - I set an economic record for most private

>>>> bankruptcies filed in any

>>>> 12-month period.


>>>> - I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in

>>>> a 12-month period.


>>>> - I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in

>>>> the history of the

>>>> U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over

>>>> 2 million Americans

>>>> lost their jobs and that trend continues every

>>>> month.


>>>> - I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the

>>>> richest of any

>>>> administration in U.S. history. My "poorest

>>>> millionaire," Condoleeza

>>>> Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.


>>>> - I set the record for most campaign fund-raising

>>>> trips by a U.S.

>>>> President.


>>>> - I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for

>>>> receiving the most

>>>> corporate campaign donations.


>>>> - My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one

>>>> of my best friends,

>>>> Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate

>>>> bankruptcy fraud in

>>>> U.S. History, Enron.


>>>> - My political party used Enron private jets and

>>>> corporate attorneys to

>>>> assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during

>>>> my election

>>>> decision.


>>>> - I have protected my friends at Enron and

>>>> Halliburton against

>>>> investigation or prosecution. More time and money

>>>> was spent

>>>> investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has

>>>> been spent

>>>> investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs

>>>> in history. I

>>>> presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.

>>>> history and refused to

>>>> intervene when corruption involving the oil industry

>>>> was revealed.


>>>> - I presided over the highest gasoline prices in

>>>> U.S. history.


>>>> - I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted

>>>> criminals to be awarded

>>>> government contracts.


>>>> - I appointed more convicted criminals to

>>>> administration than any

>>>> President in U.S. history.


>>>> - I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the

>>>> largest bureaucracy

>>>> in the history of the United States government.


>>>> - I've broken more international treaties than any

>>>> President in U.S.

>>>> history.


>>>> - I am the first President in U.S. history to have

>>>> the United Nations

>>>> remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.


>>>> - I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.


>>>> - I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S.

>>>> "prisoners of war"

>>>>> detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the

>>>> Geneva Convention.


>>>> - I am the first President in history to refuse

>>>> United Nations election

>>>> inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).


>>>> - I set the record for fewest numbers of press

>>>> conferences of any

>>>> President since the advent of television.


>>>> - I set the all-time record for most days on

>>>> vacation in any one-year

>>>> period. After taking off the entire month of August,

>>>> I presided over

>>>> the worst security failure in U.S. history.


>>>> - I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S.

>>>> after the World Trade

>>>> Center attacks and less than a year later made the

>>>> U.S. the most hated

>>>> country in the world, the largest failure of

>>>> diplomacy in world history.


>>>> - I have set the all-time record for most people

>>>> worldwide to

>>>> simultaneously protest me in public venues (15

>>>> million people),

>>>> shattering the record for protests against any

>>>> person in the history of

>>>> mankind.


>>>> - I am the first President in U.S. history to order

>>>> an unprovoked,

>>>> pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a

>>>> sovereign nation. I

>>>> did so against the will of the United Nations, the

>>>> majority of U.S.

>>>> citizens, and the world community.


>>>> - I have cut health care benefits for war veterans

>>>> and support a cut in

>>>> duty benefits for active duty troops and their

>>>> families in wartime.


>>>> - In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our

>>>> reasons for

>>>> attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our

>>>> British friends.


>>>> - I am the first President in history to have a

>>>> majority of Europeans

>>>> (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to

>>>> world peace and

>>>> security.



>>>> - I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical

>>>> Bunker Buster," a

>>>> WMD.


>>>> - I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring

>>>> Osama Bin Laden to

>>>> justice.






>>>> -All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are

>>>> now in my father's

>>>> library, sealed and unavailable for public view.


>>>> - All records of SEC investigations into my insider

>>>> trading and my

>>>> bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and

>>>> unavailable for public

>>>> view.


>>>> - All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my

>>>> Vice-President,

>>>> attended regarding public energy policy are sealed

>>>> in secrecy and

>>>> unavailable for public review.







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